Free-range children a challenge

DEAR AMY >> My brother has two daughters, ages 4 and 6.

Pretty much ever since they could walk, my brother and his wife have given the girls free range at family events and parties, where they are allowed to go off by themselves for an hour or so.

The kids are very active and don't sit still for more than a couple of minutes at a time. They will basically disappear upstairs, or go outside with other kids.

To me, this isn't safe. I'd be worried they could fall or have an accident.

During Thanksgiving, my 4-year-old niece was running on a deck near a pond by herself.

My brother and his wife were still inside socializing.

To child-free me, this is nuts!

Frankly, I think my brother and his wife are just lazy parents at times and let the kids do whatever they want.

Should I say something? What's your opinion of this parenting style?

— Anonymous

DEAR ANONYMOUS >> Even fairly strict and more attentive parents tend to let their kids “free range” when they're at family events, where there are lots of other adults and often older children around.

This definitely carries risks, because parents sometimes really “check out,” or they assume that other adults have an eye on their children when they don't.

Also — at family events and parties, most children go just a little haywire.

My greater point is that unless you have spent time with this family in their home, accompanying them and their children throughout a fairly “normal” day, then you don't really know what kind of parents they are.

Overall, I think that “free range” parenting is great — and that letting children explore and try new things on their own helps them to develop judgment, self-confidence and resilience.

So back, now, to family events and parties. If there is a deck with a loose railing, a swimming pool, pond or creek; a busy road, skeevy neighbors or family members (or other obvious hazards) an adult should be assigned (or assign themselves) to be in that area and loosely supervise the children.

Because you are vigilant, careful, and because you care — this might be a good job for you.

DEAR AMY >> I was truly disgusted with your reply to “Distracted Concertgoer,” who complained about a crying baby at a community band concert.

What has happened to parents? What would possess them to bring a baby to a concert in the first place? This is flat-out rude.

— Appalled

DEAR APPALLED >> I assume that these parents likely had another child, parent, or other family member participating. That's what community concerts are all about!