Age difference bothers family

DEAR AMY >> My 62-year-old brother has just announced that he has been in a long-term relationship with a 26-year-old woman.

His adult children (ages 29, 32,

36) have known about her for over two years, have been in family therapy, and are still not accepting this woman in their lives. My brother has been divorced for years and has a history of dating very young women.

While I'm fairly disgusted, ultimately it is not my choice, as I will not be spending time with him/them.

My parents, now in their 80s, do not know what to do.

They feel the age difference is wrong and are suspicious of the young woman's motives.

My brother recently showed up at their house and left her sitting in the car while he visited our parents; when my mother discovered this, she went out and gave her a hug because she felt sorry for her.

We are all at a loss of how to handle this situation.

Should we accept her and pretend it's not creepy?

Or should we continue to refuse to accept her into the family?

— No-Fun Dysfunction Family

DEAR NO-FUN >> It is illuminating that — as rude as your brother was to keep his partner waiting in the car — your mother was both polite and kind enough to find and greet her with a hug.

No wonder your mother is suspicious of this young woman's motives. Only someone with a powerful ulterior motive (or very low self-esteem) would put up with that level of rudeness from a long-term partner.

Yet I suggest that you should behave as your mother did. Behave in a way that is polite and kind. Do not pass judgment. Do not form alliances. Do not banish this younger partner in order to punish your brother.

None of you need to “do” anything or handle anything.

You don't need to understand your brother's behavior, or his girlfriend's. So yes, I guess I am saying that you should accept your brother's partner, and pretend it's not creepy.

DEAR AMY >> Your response to “Distracted Concertgoer” about fussy babies in the audience of a concert was so off base! In addition to insulting audience members who want to be able to hear the music, you described community bands as organizations where amateur musicians “dust off instruments from the back of their coat closet.”

How insulting! — Upset

DEAR UPSET >> I suppose I was really describing my own long history performing with a local community band and chorus, which truly is an experience straight out of “The Music Man.”

I meant no insult to my fellow musicians.