Paying for `gift' at bridal shower

DEAR AMY >> My family maintains fairly simple tastes.

My stepbrother got engaged to “Sharon.” Her family had a similar background to ours, but business success means they now live very extravagantly, and Sharon never lets us forget it.

My mother and I were invited to her wedding shower. The invitation stated: “Do not bring gifts.”

Unless I've been asleep my whole life, I thought one major point of a shower was the gifts. That's the “shower” part, right?

We tried to get a clarification from Sharon, but she acted very mysterious.

At the shower venue, my mother and I walked into a nearly silent room of people, in the center of which was a large table heaped with very expensive items: China, crystal, Sterling silver, a $400 pen, a $4,500 tennis bracelet (this one had a “sign-up sheet” for multiple contributors) and a $2,000 cappuccino machine.

Sharon gave us each a pad of stickers and a pen.

She explained that we were to “browse” the table and put our name on a sticker to “affix to whatever gift we wished to give.”

There were more “sign-up” sheets for the honeymoon, weekend trips, kayaks and camping equipment.

It was the most uncomfortable event I've ever been part of. My mom and I took one tour around the room and quietly left.

We heard later that the shower was a disaster and that Sharon and her mother were furious with the guests.

Is this some new trend? My sister thinks we should throw Sharon a traditional shower for “our side” of the family, but it's obviously not something she would be satisfied with! — Gobsmacked

DEAR GOBSMACKED >> If excess could be considered a trend, then I suppose this monster of a gift-grab fits the trend.

Normally the maid of honor hosts the shower, but this seems to have been planned by the bride and her mother — also bucking the norm.

I do like the idea of you and your sister hosting a small-scale party for this new family member. It could be a simple themed event (perhaps a “kitchen shower”) held in the backyard.

This will be a gracious way of you conveying your own values, while offering this bride a quiet “reset.” Don't worry about “Sharon's” satisfaction. Her attitude is her responsibility.

DEAR AMY >> “Hurting” are grandparents who aren't seeing their grandchildren because of the way the childrens' parents treat them.

There is such a thing as “grandparents rights” and they should look into getting visitation. — Upset

DEAR UPSET >> These grandparents were “done” being mistreated by the parents; they seemed to be walking away from the relationship.

Visitation is a possibility in some states; they should look into it.