Extreme consequences for December-May romance

DEAR AMY >> I am an older woman who fell in love with a man 17 years younger than me.

I love this man with everything I have.

We met about five years ago at my home during Thanksgiving.

Unfortunately for us, his brother is married to my daughter.

I have practically raised their daughter from infancy; she's going into second grade this year.

When my boyfriend and I started seeing each other, my son-in-law decided he would punish me by keeping my granddaughter away from me. (She was 4 at the time.)

The pressure and pain I endured was overwhelming and I broke up with the first man I've ever loved, who I was completely comfortable with, in order to spend time with my granddaughter.

Then, last year, my guy and I reunited. I love him more every day, but the same thing happened again — my granddaughter wasn't allowed to come to my home anymore and my son-in-law treats me like dirt.

So we broke up again because the pain is almost unbearable for both of us.

I would like your thoughts on this, please, because I need help.

I don't want to live a miserable life without the love of my life.

— Heartbroken

DEAR HEARTBROKEN >> I'm going to take it as a given that your partner doesn't present any risks to your granddaughter and that your son-in-law's treatment of you is a reflection of the rage he feels at his perception that you are encroaching upon his family.

Nowhere here do you mention your daughter, who is married to this controlling and abusive man.

He is managing to control the lives of four people: his wife, his brother, you and your granddaughter.

Perhaps it's time that someone stood up to him.

You can't stand up to him if your heart is aching and breaking and so you will have to train yourself to withstand the consequent separation. It might help if you see your own choice as sending a strong message to both your daughter and granddaughter: “I won't let him control me.”

Live your life. A counselor could help you and your partner to navigate the anxiety you feel. You should also consult with a lawyer.

In my state, grandparents can file a legal petition for visitation as long as it is “in the child's best interests.”

You would seem to fit the basic criteria:

“They (grandparent/s) had a substantial relationship with the grandchild.

“The parents have prevented them from having a relationship with the grandchild.”