Years-ago rape estranges siblings
DEAR AMY >> I am a 64-year-old woman, the youngest in my family.
When I was 16, one of my cousins, “Will,” (a 30-yearold man who is now a doctor) invited me to New York City for a visit.
While I was visiting, Will raped me in his sister “Clare's” apartment.
I had no idea where I was and was terrified.
The next morning Clare walked into her apartment and freaked out on him.
Although she asked if I was OK, she and her other brother did nothing to hold Will accountable for what he did. They even went so far as to blame me. I never told anyone what happened out of shame and fear.
It really traumatized me on many levels.
There was no contact between our two families, except between my mother and aunt (Will's mother).
Fast-forward to a few years ago. Two of my brothers and my sister have rekindled a relationship with Clare, who has a big fancy house in Florida where they go to visit.
This made me very uncomfortable.
After my mother and aunt died, I told my siblings what happened and asked them to please not associate with that family.
They said it happened long ago; it's my problem and they see no reason to stop seeing Clare.
After six years of wrestling with this and some pretty angry emails from me, they refuse to even speak to me.
Thank God I have a third brother who has helped me to get through the heartache.
I have now cut off contact with my other siblings.
What are your thoughts on this?
— Abandoned in PA
DEAR ABANDONED >> This sounds like a genuinely terrible situation and I'm so sorry you have been living with this for so long.
No, your siblings aren't “right” for denying your experience and the trauma you've lived with!
Your own choice not to continue an active relationship with them because of their behavior toward you seems proportional.
My concern is that nowhere in your narrative do you mention any consequences at all for “Will,” the cousin who assaulted you.
Will, a 30-year-old man, raped his teenage cousin. You should wonder if his career as a predator stopped there.
You would benefit from counseling, which even many years later could help you to cope with this trauma. Rainn.org offers online support and a list of counselors for more intensive help.