Mideast politics affecting employee's comfort zone
Q
I work at a company where the owner/chief executive has very strong public opinions on the Israel-Hamas conflict and whose (publicly known) private philanthropic activity is directed to supporting the Israel Defense Forces. As someone whose views of the conflict are opposed to theirs, I am uncomfortable at the office. I do otherwise enjoy working there. I also know that sharing the same political views as your CEO can be a silly criterion for taking or keeping a job at a company, but this hits different. Am I making too big a deal of this? — Anonymous
A
Only you can say if you're making too big a deal of this. Clearly the differences between your views on Israel and the Palestinian territories and those of your chief executive are troubling you. Now, we have to live and work with people who hold different perspectives.
Here are some realities: Every single day, the Gaza Strip is being bombed by the IDF. Israel will not stop, it says, until all the Israeli hostages have been released. Israeli officials are unmoved by international protests, the United Nations or public outcry in Israel or anywhere else. And we cannot overlook decades of occupation.
Hamas is equally relentless. Its members are terrorists who entered Israel, killed 1,200 people and took hundreds of hostages. It will continue committing acts of terror. It will not stop, its leaders say, until the Palestinian territories are free and Israel is destroyed. That's unacceptable. We have to say that. It is horrific all around.
How do you resolve such stances? More than 15,000 people, mostly Palestinian civilians, many of them children, have been killed in Gaza since Oct. 7. That has to be said, too. This mass killing will continue until the United States decides that enough blood has been shed.
Sadly, we live in a bloodthirsty world. This does hit differently. Can you tolerate working for someone who is contributing money to the IDF? I suspect you already know the answer.
Q
I love my job. I work with a great team, I genuinely enjoy what I do and I am valued and contributing to something that genuinely helps people. But I am in the midst of a lot of personal issues with my family. Without getting into too much detail, some very unsavory things have been said and done. I've pulled back from my family so I can fully parse my thoughts and feelings around these events so I can decide what boundaries are needed moving forward.
So how does this connect to work? My manager asks about the time I spend with my family, a lot. I try to offer surfacelevel comments about how it was good and they're doing well, but my true feelings on the subject are always simmering beneath the surface.
My manager means well and I don't believe he's being inappropriate, but I don't know how to communicate about family estrangement. If I suddenly say, “Please stop asking about my family,” I know he's going to be concerned after I've kept up the charade for so long. — Anonymous
A
I am so sorry to hear about your family estrangement. Family rifts are so difficult and language is often inadequate when trying to explain what's going on, how you're affected and what you need. Your manager clearly means well, but you need time and space.
I would suggest telling him that you appreciate the kindness he extends by asking about your family but that things are difficult right now, you'd rather not talk about it, you are doing as well as can be expected and you hope he can respect this boundary. Sometimes you have to be direct and honest about what you need.