Playdates aren’t just for kids
Dear Aimee: My husband has dementia and can no longer converse with me. He can sometimes walk but I often use a wheelchair for him when we need to leave the house. Between all my caregiving responsibilities I don’t have much time to connect with friends and family like I used to do. I am starting to feel lonely and isolated. Do you have any suggestions as to how I can create a social life within the limitations of my husband’s illness? Lonely in Lima
Dear Lonely in Lima: Unfortunately, loneliness and depression are common among caregivers of aging, chronically ill and disabled loved ones. You are not alone in feeling this way. Recreating a social life can be daunting when you have so many responsibilities to manage. However, perhaps you’ll consider the idea of planning a “play date”. Play dates are a relatively new concept in that they are planned social engagements parents arrange for their children. They involve phone calls, texts or emails to schedule time for both the parents and children to have fun connecting in person. Sometimes the parent talks with the other parent while the children play. Other times, one of the children is left in the care of one parent, while the other parent can run errands or enjoy some down time. At the end of the engagement parents often promise to reciprocate the invitation at a later point. The process creates trust between families and builds relationships within communities.
However, playdate aren’t just for kids.
Consider creating a social network amongst those whom you know in similar circumstances. Are you aware of any caregivers in your neighborhood or acquaintance circle? Perhaps you can contact your local church or community group who may have some names to suggest? Maybe you can join a caregiver support group to meet new people who may also be interested in the play date idea?
Once you have made the decision to reach out to others, the question then becomes what social activities are appropriate given the limitations of my loved one’s health and well-being?
First, I suggest scheduling your play dates as “double dates” meaning that all parties remain together and participate in the chosen activity. That being said, perhaps you can develop a relationship with someone with whom you husband can stay for a short visit. Keeping safety a priority, you’ll know what works best for your situation.
Second, let’s identify some play date activities that would work for you and your husband. Here a few suggestions:
Indoor Picnic - What if you invited a fellow caregiver and their loved one over for an indoor picnic? Just order a pizza, a side salad and some drinks for a low stress activity that increases socialization for all parties. Even if it your picnic lasts a hour, it is better to have been around others to break up the isolation that often accompanies caregiving.
Mall Walking - What’s a mall walk? Mall walks are just a stroll around the mall. There is no need for a destination, but rather it is just about having an indoor area to walk or wheel through while being protected from the outside elements. Maybe you want to stay local or take a drive to a new location? Mall food courts provide another opportunity for socialization or to meet up with others who may be dealing with similar issues.
Drive-thru for Two - What if you and your loved one invited another couple to a local drive-thru restaurant for lunch? Drive-thru, order then find some open, adjacent parking spaces that would allow two cars to pull up next to one another and chat for a while. Of course you could ride in the same car, but sometimes fewer transitions are easier on everyone.
Team Grocery Shopping How about team grocery shopping? Invite some caregiver friends and their loved ones to meet in the grocery store café or even just the parking lot. You can shop for the items your need while the caregivers take turns watching over the loved ones in need of attention.
As you can see the possibilities are limited only to your imagination. Hopefully, your playdates will refresh and energize your social life while providing an emotional release from your caregiver responsibilities.