New mother is on her own when it comes to child care
DEARABBY» My stepdaughter ismarried to a very selfishman. They have a newborn baby, and he refuses to help herwith the baby. He claims that because he works, he isn’t obligated.
She cares for the baby 24/7 and does all the housework, cooking, etc. If she asks him to feed the baby in themorning, he says, “I’Mhungry, so I have to havemy breakfast first,” and he lets the baby cry. He also refuses to change a diaper.
What can she say or do that might encourage him to change his ways? It is unfair to her to work 24/7 like this, and she is EXHAUSTED.
— Stepgrandma in Israel
DEARSTEPGRANDMA» I agree the treatment your daughter is receiving is unfair. That her husband would eat while his infant is crying for food is beyond insensitive; it’s neglectful and cruel. She should not expect thisman to change his attitude. This is who he is, and he not onlywon’t change, his selfcenteredness will become worse with time.
If you can take in your grandchild— and your stepdaughter — and give her a chance to get some rest, please consider it. Andwhile she is with you, point out that this will be her future as long as she remains with her husband.
DEARABBY» I have themost wonderful, caring, loving husband any wife could dreamof, and together we have a very sweet dogwho adores us both butmy husband a bit toomuch, if Imay put it that way. When my husband is relaxing on the couch, “Peanut” likes to, umm, “love on” his leg.
I know this is something dogs do, and I have read that it’s a way to establish the alpha, but my husband doesn’t dissuade her fromthis “loving” behavior. I find it disturbing, not somuch because Peanut does it, but becausemy husband doesn’tmind or even likes it. Is this normal?
— Other alpha inMassachusetts
DEAROTHERALPHA» According to the ASPCA website, what Peanut is doing is normal behavior for animals of both sexes, including those that have been spayed or neutered. Your husband’s acceptance of it, inmy opinion, is less so.
DEARABBY» I know aman who is a wonderful person, but he has a habit that is very disturbing. He gets angry when I laugh. He says I shouldn’t be laughing because he thinks what I’mlaughing at isn’t funny.
I used to start a phrasewith, “The funny thing is,” meaning strange or odd, and he would cutme off saying, “I don’t see why you think that’s funny.” I have since changed the phrase to “The odd thing is” to keep the peace. How can I handle this without creating a scene or argument? It is annoyingwhen we are alone and embarrassing when we are in public.
--Unfunny in Texas DEARUNFUNNY» I amsure it’s embarrassing. “Wonderful” people do not correct others in public. Theywait and do it privately. This personmay have redeeming qualities, but tact and a sense of humor are not two of them. If telling himyou don’t like what he’s doing and that it’s inappropriatewill cause a scene or an argument, my advice is to reevaluate the relationship.
Good advice for everyone— teens to seniors— is in “The Anger in All of Us and How toDealWith It.” To order, send your name andmailing address, plus check ormoney order for $8 (U.S. funds) to: Dear Abby, Anger Booklet, P.O. Box 447, MountMorris, IL 610540447. (Shipping and handling are included in the price.)