The thrill is gone

DEAR ANNIE >> I have been married to the same man for 59 years. I have one daughter and am an immigrant to this country. I think I am a fairly decent cook and housekeeper. I worked for 30 years in a very large company and ended my career in management. I read a lot; I play bridge. All in all, I am easy to get along with.

My husband is an intelligent man, though he is not a great talker. His interests are the stock market and making money. He has a few friends, but they’re of the casual type. I would call him emotionally challenged. He comes from a very large family, and I get along with his family members very well. He cares for them and has helped them out.

This week, I celebrated a milestone birthday. There was no card, no flowers, nothing. When I remarked on it, he told me he had been planning to buy me a card and give me an airline ticket for a trip that we decided on six months ago and is coming up in a month. I told him I don’t think it qualifies as a gift. Even after a lengthy discussion, he didn’t change his mind.

I should add that he has not bought me a birthday card or a gift for the past 20 years.

My feeling is that his sole interest in me is as a provider of meals, as a housekeeper and as a contributor of money.

When I retired, I had a very substantial fund, which he invested himself. For a few years, it did very well. Then he went behind my back and made a risky investment. We lost our house, and things were dire for a few years.

My feeling is that he has a problem dealing with women. He never abides by my opinion on any topic. He is not particularly warm toward any female in the family, and my daughter sometimes calls him an iceberg.

What makes this man tick? I am getting to the point where I don’t think I can stand him anymore. However, I am too old to leave. Any advice would be appreciated. DEAR FED >> You deserve better, and if your husband won’t deliver that, go get it for yourself. No, I am not prescribing an affair. What I mean is that you should stop focusing so much on what makes your husband tick and focus instead on what makes you tick. Cultivate your hobbies. Plan outings with your daughter or your friends. Have dinner with your favorite inlaws. Go see a new movie. Curl up with a big stack of good books. In short, celebrate yourself.

You sound like a friendly, kind and independent woman. Whether or not your husband realizes it, he’s a very lucky man. DEAR ANNIE >> You suggested that “Nobody Calls” try a Meetup group. Because I live in a small town just as she does, I thought I’d check it out. There are no groups within 50 miles of where I live — which is one more stumbling block, in my opinion. In a small town, volunteering in your community, at your church or at a school or taking a local community-education class might help. DEAR SMALL-TOWN >> Your suggestions are all excellent. I hadn’t considered the limitations of a website such as Meetup. Thank you for bringing it to my attention.