Friend brings reader down

Dear Annie: I am in a quandary about a situation. I am a widow. Sometime after my late husband passed away, an old friend and I renewed our friendship.

At first, things were very pleasant, and I enjoyed his company.

This gentleman was divorced. I believe that his former wife had an affair. I don’t think he ever worked through the feelings of rejection he must have felt.

He has a great deal of suppressed anger, and at times he seems to have a dual personality. I realized the friendship was not a healthy one, and we no longer see each other. I have not seen him in years.

I guess it’s important to him to keep in touch by phone, and he’ll call from time to time to check on me. If I’m not available to answer the phone, he’ll leave a curt remark in my voicemail.

He called this week as I was packing up some boxes for Goodwill, and I could not answer the phone in time. He left a sarcastic voice message. He called four times back to back. I did not return the calls.

I don’t enjoy talking to him. It’s usually a rather one-sided conversation, with him talking about things of no consequence. He doesn’t have a good outlook on life. I recently found out he is an alcoholic, and he lies and exaggerates things. His calls upset me.

I don’t want to change my landline number or my cellphone number.

Should I continue letting his calls go to voicemail? I wish him well, but it really would be best for us not to have a telephone friendship. Feeling Guilty

Dear Feeling Guilty: That man’s disease is the one leaving you curt messages, and you’re wise for not returning the calls. Continue letting his calls go to voicemail, and don’t bother listening to the messages. You might also want to call your phone provider to see about blocking his number, if you’d rather not let his vitriol take up space on your voicemail. I really hope he seeks help with his alcoholism, but he has to come to that point on his own. You have nothing for which to feel guilty.