The Middletown Press (Middletown, CT)
A ‘loving, empathetic heart’
Ethan Song died just as life was opening up
GUILFORD — In January, it looked like Ethan Song was hitting his stride as a Guilford High School sophomore.
In the past few months he had gone through major chest surgery for a condition that would have seriously limited his breathing ability. He was an all-star on the lacrosse team. His brother, Evan, had left for Boston College and his sister, Emily, was studying nursing at the University of Connecticut, so Ethan had his parents, Kristin and Mike Song, all to himself.
“We really thought we were on our way,” said Kristin Song. “And he was doing so well in school and just got his braces off. … That day I was like, ‘We are all that and a bag of chips. This kid is going to do great things.’ ”
That day was Jan. 31. Ethan, who unknown to his parents had been playing with guns at a friend’s house, pulled the trigger on what he thought was an unloaded .357 Magnum and shot himself to death.
Since then, Waterbury State’s Attorney Maureen Platt has ruled that Ethan’s death was accidental and stated that the gun’s owner, Daniel Markle, would not be charged because, under Connecticut law, he would have known the gun was loaded and that a minor could “gain access” to it without permission. The Songs have launched a campaign, called Ethan’s Law, to increase gun owners’ responsibility for storing their weapons safely.
Since then, Guilford police have charged Markle’s son, who is 14, with second-degree manslaughter in connection with Ethan’s death, and with firstdegree reckless endangerment from an earlier incident.
“(Ethan Song) could really melt your heart with his compassion for other people.” Mike Song, Ethan’s father
Please ask
And since then, the Songs have dealt with their grief, leaned on their family and close friends and taken action to honor Ethan’s life. But among the hardest things they’ve had to cope with has been how people avoid talking about him, how others freeze when they mention his name.
“That is one of the saddest things about losing a child is people stop talking about that child,” Kristin Song said. “And so for me it’s kind of like mist in the air that kind of like evaporates. And people partly don’t want to ask because they don’t want to upset you. But the most upsetting thing is when people don’t ask you. And so when I meet moms who’ve lost children, I always try to ask them, ‘What was one really amazing thing about your child?’ Just so they feel there’s still a connection to that kid.”
While she understands it can be awkward, Song said, “It’s hurtful, because I have three kids and everyone’s (asking), ‘Oh, how’s Emily and Evan?’ ”
The Songs need and want to talk about Ethan. As painful as the memory of his death is, it’s important that he remain a part of their lives.
“I will say that my greatest joy — I loved every minute of raising my children. I know that sounds like cliche, but I loved hearing their first words, seeing their first steps. It really just filled my cup of joy. So that really was my job,” Kristin Song said.
“And you’re great at it to this day,” Mike Song said.
The Songs have many amazing things to say about Ethan. He had an especially caring, empathetic nature that he expressed in a way that warmed the heart, they said.
It showed in how Ethan cared for 95 of the 107 foster dogs the family has taken in from the Little Pink Shelter. He and his mother had set a goal of 100.
“These dogs come off these 18-wheelers and they’re freaked out because they were either strays, sitting in a shelter,” Kristin Song said. “They would be frantic, and Ethan would just sit down and just have this amazing gift where he could just calm them down. Literally they would just curl up in his lap, and it happened almost every single time. See Song on A4