Woman dreads going on first dates

Dear Abby: I am a 30-yearold woman who very much wants to find someone to share my life and start a family with. The problem is I hate dating, at least the early stages. To me, first dates aren’t exciting; they’re just plain awkward and nerveracking.

I have tried everything to change my outlook on dating, but I still go into every first date with the same enthusiasm as I’d have for a root canal. Do you have any tips?

Hates Dating in Maryland

Dear Hates Dating:

It might benefit you to make them more casual — a lunch, a coffee, a movie or some other entertainment, so a conversation won’t become a third degree. If you regard a first date as a chance to make a new friend, you might enjoy it more and so would your date.

Dear Abby: I’m concerned because there is tension in my family. I’m 30. In the past, I’ve had anger issues that may have alienated some family members. I’ve worked on them and I think I’ve gotten better in recent years, but I’m still not perfect.

What concerns me is I think one of my brothers might be harboring resentment toward me, but he won’t say so directly. I feel bad about the things I’ve done wrong and I’m willing to do what I can to make up for them, but I don’t know how to do that if people won’t communicate with me. How can I make things right and show my family I really do care?

Lost in California

Dear Lost: It seems you may not be the only person in your family with unresolved anger issues. While you were overt in demonstrating your anger, your brother is the opposite. He demonstrates his anger with PASSIVEaggression.

Show your family you care by continuing to work on your issues. Apologize to anyone you hurt and offer to make amends. Do the same with this brother in a written message, if necessary. After that, if he still refuses to communicate, recognize that the problem is his and stop making it your own.

Dear Abby: A friend brought a birthday cake to the restaurant where we were all meeting, and served it after the meal. I voiced my concern that it wasn’t fair to the restaurant, since we used extra tableware and dishes for the cake, and deprived them of a possible dessert order. Is what she did acceptable? Or was I out of line to say something? (We left a large tip.)

No Dessert

Dear No Dessert: If your comments dampened the joy of the occasion, you should have kept your mouth shut. Bringing a cake to a restaurant for a special occasion happens often. However, the polite way to handle it is to first check with the restaurant to be sure they don’t have a policy against it.