The Middletown Press (Middletown, CT)

Honeymoon plan draws criticism

- Jeanne Phillips Write to Dear Abby at P.O. Box 96440, Los Angeles, CA 90069 or dearabby.com

Dear Abby: My fiance, “Rowan,” and I are getting married this year. It is my second marriage and his first. Rowan has a young son I’ll call “Sean” from a previous relationsh­ip. I have a good relationsh­ip with Sean, and expressed to Rowan that I’d love to include Sean on our honeymoon, so we can have a proper first family vacation. (Rowan’s custody agreement states that no unmarried parties may live together when their child is present in the home.)

Rowan was enthusiast­ic about it, since I’ll finally be able to have proper bonding time with Sean in a home environmen­t overnight. But when I bring this up with anyone else, they say I am selfish for wanting to play “Mom” and include my soonto-be stepson on a vacation that’s supposed to be for just me and my fiance.

We want to share this time with his son and have a fun family vacation. Are we doing the wrong thing? Should we leave Sean out? Why, with so many different family dynamics, is wanting to include Rowan’s son regarded as selfish?

Unselfish in the South

Dear Unselfish: You and Rowan should listen to your hearts instead of listening to unsolicite­d advice. Wanting to include Sean on the trip is the opposite of selfish, and it is your and your fiance’s privilege to decide.

Dear Abby: My husband’s daughter has decided that her children should not call me “Grandma,” because I’m not their biological grandmothe­r. She says her mother is their grandma and not me, even though her father and I have been together since before the birth of her children.

Eight years later, she told them not to call me Grandma. I am so hurt about it I can no longer bring myself to go over to their house. Please tell me how I can deal with being so blatantly disrespect­ed by my husband’s daughter. I seem to be good only for birthday presents and Christmas gifts.

Slighted in California

Dear Slighted: I subscribe to the philosophy that the more love there is in this world, the better. I would take it a step further and add that the more loving grandparen­ts there are in a child’s life, the better. Your stepdaught­er’s announceme­nt to the children at this late date that you are not their grandmothe­r seems spiteful and hurtful. That said, there’s nothing positive to be gained by shunning the children if you love them. What they call you is less important than the relationsh­ip you have with them. If you continue staying away as you have been doing, you will only drive a deeper wedge between you.

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