Politicians, journalists, others all prone to bloopers
Not to rub it in after Lehigh County Executive Phillips Armstrong saw his budget veto overridden, but he got his advertisers mixed up recently. He tried to make the point that rejecting a tax increase this year could result in a larger tax increase next year or even a drop in the county's bond rating, costing taxpayers much more money.
“It's like the old Ford commercial,” Armstrong warned the county commissioners, “pay me now or pay me later.”
Actually, it was Fram oil filters. I know because I stole the same phrase for a column one time.
I used to delight in quoting local politicians' malapropisms, such as when Allentown Councilwoman Emma Tropiano asked if everything was “quo status” or when Northampton County District Attorney John Morganelli got up at a candidates night to announce, “In May and April ... I advocated crimes against the elderly.”
Or Northampton County Executive Jerry Seyfried, who was talking about guidelines in a personnel study when he explained, “They do give you the levity to make your own rules.” Or the great Allentown Councilman Tony Frey, who noted, “I think we're top heavy at the top.” Or Northampton Councilman Wayne Grube, who cautioned, “I don't want to sound dundant.”
Those were the days.
A continuing theme in my blooper columns over the years has been the school or educator making some kind of spelling error, or much worse.
Luckily, this one is from California, so no local teachers will get mad at me. It's contained in a letter to the editor in the Los Angeles Times, defending teachers against a negative editorial.
“I am an English teacher who overseas my school's popular ukulele club,” she noted, arguing that it involves hours of unpaid work, probably none of it happening overseas.
“I wonder if she will have a job as an English teacher tomorrow?” asked the reader who sent me this.
A former college professor sent me the next one, from a newspaper story: “The hot love letters of Harding were published over the objections of Harding's ancestors.”
The professor wrote, “My grandparents should come back from the dead and worry as much about my reputation.”
At first, I thought this next one might have been a police officer's fanciful physical description in an armed robbery case. But I eventually decided it was just a typographical error in an alert sent out to the Moravian College community:
“One actor had orange curry hair.”
By the way, the part about his being an actor isn't an error. That's what police call people who commit crimes. The media typically translates the jargon.
Speaking of police, this job posting appeared in a newspaper: “Notice of Police Officer Emmination.”
The reader wrote, “I googled the word … Nothing. Should I apply?”
And one more police item was a story about the decomposing body of a man found wrapped in plastic in a Philadelphia row home, discovered by a contractor.
“Homicide Capt. Jack Ryan said the body was wrapped in a blue tarp,” the story reported. “… Ryan called the death ‘suspicious,' but added that without knowing the cause of death, it was too early to say whether foul play was involved.”
The reader wrote, “Yupper, it's possible he just lay down, rolled himself up in a blue tarp, closed his eyes and said, ‘Goodbye, world.' P.S.: Methinks Philadelphia needs more suspicious detectives!”
Put on your thinking caps for the next blooper. First, here's the news story involved:
“After hearing complaints from residents near Grim's Orchard & Family Farm regarding noise from the grounds during the annual Fall Festival, the board Thursday mandated that two of the most problematic yet popular attractions be conducted no more than 500 feet from the nearest dwelling or property line, whichever is closest.”
The reader wrote, “Maybe I'm being picky but I'm pretty sure that should be no LESS than 500 feet … I hope the actual amendment doesn't say ‘more,' unless neighbors want their backyards to be haunted by rotten apples … Also it occurs to me to wonder about ‘whichever is closest (sic).' That seems to imply that a dwelling could be closer than the property line, which means it would be, well, on someone else's property?”
Finding bloopers in our obituaries is like shooting fish in a barrel, but I'll include one this time, because I thought the comment was funny: “He enjoyed sports, bowing and playing bingo.” The reader wrote, “He must have been either a budding thespian or a very humble soul, perhaps with Oriental blood.”
The next blooper comes via a news story subhead, which read, “Department joins 3 others in Northampton using their station as porthole to recovery.”
“Oh,” the reader wrote, “it's a naval operation?” I think the word they wanted was portal.
Like that one, these next two could just as easily be Grammar Police items, because they all involve correctly spelled words being misused.
Food labels can be good sources of bloopers, which sometimes can be attributed to writers for whom English is a second or third language. But this one involves a word that confuses a lot of people. The eagle-eyed reader found it on his local grocery store shelf. In part, the label read:
“Red Lobster created this light blend of 7 seasonings to perfectly compliment the flavor of fresh seafood.”
The word they wanted is complement, not compliment. The reader remarked, “After applying the product to my trout filet, I did indeed hear the seven seasonings say, ‘Hey there flavor, you're mighty savory today.' ”
Similar word confusion is responsible for this next one. In an AP story about the 76ers' struggle to win away from home, Coach Brett Brown notes that turnovers and rebounds “… are the tenants of road wins.”
“There appears to be a vacancy,” the reader wrote.
The word Brown or the reporter quoting him wanted was “tenets.”
I'll finish with words of wisdom from another retired college professor.
“Of course many errors are simply typos and hastily written material,” he wrote. “In recent years, in student writing, I have noticed a significant increase in the misuse of then and than, among other simple errors.
“I am convinced that this is because of Word. It usually won't flag a misuse of a properly spelled word. It isn't that students (generally) don't know the difference between the words, it's that they just rely on Word for proofreading. They are too lazy or too rushed to proofread.
“Might the same be said of reporters?”
I think he's right about students, reporters and everyone else. Spellcheck tends to lull us into a false sense of security, and proofreading can suffer. Consider this rather ironic last item.
A reader sent me a copy of a publication that began: “In this addition [sic] of the Northampton County District Attorney's Drug Task Force Newsletter …” The reader wrote, “Jeez! You'd thing someone would do a grammar check on the newsletter before mailing it!”
Did you notice his typo there with “thing” instead of “think?” He corrected himself a few minutes later, concluding, “Serves me right. Sometimes the mistake is invisible.”
I missed it myself, but it's a reminder that we're all prone to slips when we're typing and that the spellchecker isn't always the answer.
As I pointed out to him, an email or text is a little different than a newsletter you're sending out to the whole county. But it behooves all of us to proofread more carefully before we hit Send.
As they said in the old Ford commercials, “Just do it.”
Bill White’s commentary appears Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays. bill.white@mcall.com 610-820-6105