Theatrical mom changes roles as reader’s landlord

Dear Miss

Manners :Iam currently living with my mother. Not wanting to freeload, I suggested that she charge me rent. She seemed surprised, and said she’d get back to me.

Later, she appeared in a rather formal outfit and said she was now my landlady. She spelled out my rental rate and terms; it was higher than I had planned on, but she conveyed such an air of authority that I didn’t argue.

Later, when she was back to her normal self, I told her the rate was too high. She stepped out, returned as the “landlady” and asked what the problem was. I explained that the rate was more than I could afford; she told me I could either pay it or find somewhere else to live.

I decided to forget about the rent and hoped my mom would, also. However, I have now received notices of late rent and eviction. I haven’t tried to talk with my mom about this; she is normally loving and supportive, but I’m afraid she will transform into the “landlady” and kick me out — or possibly sue me for the rent and late fees I already owe.

Should I pass my mom a note explaining that I love her, but I don’t like her alter ego? That I can’t afford the rate she is trying to charge, I would have trouble finding another place to live and I regret ever mentioning rent? Anything else I should include?

Gentle Reader : An apology. Your mother has created this character and this entertaining little charade because she is hurt. The only way she knew how to deal with that hurt was to create an alter ego, devoid of sentiment, so that she could do the role justice.

Of course, Miss Manners realizes that you were only trying to pay your share, but to her, it may seem that you are ungrateful for her kindness. You might include that in your apology and reassure her of your gratitude. A heartfelt written apology can go a long way toward mending a problem — especially when role-playing no longer proves productive.