‘It’s important to normalize things that are’
Grandparents raising grandchildren learn about resources through support group
Maureen O’Brien and her husband used to call themselves “extreme grandparents” when they started raising their young granddaughter three years ago. That was before they learned there’s a word that already exists to describe what they are — a grand-family — and that they aren’t alone.
“We’re regular human beings. We’re not superheroes, and nor do we really want to be,” O’Brien said. “I really don’t want to be a saint; I just want to be a grandmother, and be a normal person, but what I’m doing is a little bit unusual, and that’s just how it is.”
While it might seem out of the norm on the surface, the O’Briens’ family structure isn’t at all rare. Across the Lehigh Valley, Pennsylvania and countrywide, many grandparents have taken on the responsibility of raising their grandchildren, stepping up and leaning in to help when their children can’t. In the Valley, a 12-week support group
“It’s nice to be able to talk about the emotions and the feelings of blame, guilt, anger that they don’t necessarily have to shy away from.” — Jocelyn Balan-Lopez, outpatient behavioral health intern with Pinebrook Family Answers
through Pinebrook Family Answers works to provide support and resources for these grandparents, noncustodial caregivers and guardians raising children.
“It was positive and uplifting, and there wasn’t any pressure,” said O’Brien, of Bucks County. “I would encourage people to not be afraid to try it.”
More than 2.7 million children across the U.S. are being raised in the homes of kin and grandparent caregivers, according to a 2021 report provided to Congress from the Advisory Council to Support Grandparents Raising Grandchildren. Advocates pointed to the opioid epidemic, death, incarceration and serious mental illness as some of the common reasons grandparents might take over caring for their grandchildren.
“When parents can no longer care for their children, there is no one better suited to step in than grandparents, extended family and close ‘family-like’ friends — in other words, the people whom the children already know and love,” according to the report. “But providing that care can come at a cost to the caregivers’ own physical, mental, and financial health and well-being.”
In that report, advocates push federal lawmakers to adopt policies supporting these grandparents, many of whom, they argue, lack access to basic support and much-needed services.
“Almost half of the children living in ‘grandmother-only’ households live in poverty, and Black, African American and Native American communities are over-represented in these families,” according to the report. “For many families, the disproportionate inequities they are already grappling with each day are only compounded as they navigate complex legal systems, a maze of disconnected financial and social services and social stigma.
“The ongoing COVID-19 pandemic has exacerbated these challenges, creating new urgency and momentum to address the needs of kinship families and grandfamilies.”
Gov. Tom Wolf in 2018 signed two bills into law, Acts 88 and 89, to support grandparents across the commonwealth raising their children’s children. At the time, officials said 76,000 grandparents were caring for more than 83,800 grandchildren across the state.
“Grandparents are stepping up to take care of their grandchildren as a result of the devastating opioid crisis or other difficult circumstances,” Wolf said. “And we need to make sure they have our full support as caregivers and legal guardians of children, the most innocent bystanders.”
Act 88 grants temporary guardianship in 90-day increments for up to one year to grandparents or other family members when the child’s parents are not able to care for them. Act 89 established the state’s Kinship Caregiver Navigator Program, an informational resource hosted by Penn State, for grandparents and other family members, both as a website and a tollfree hotline.
During a news conference last week, state leaders discussed the need for additional supports for grandparents raising grandchildren, particularly as a consequence of the statewide overdose crisis.
“We know that the overdose epidemic and substance use disorder has impacted Pennsylvanians of all ages, races and demographics, touching nearly every family. For some, it has resulted in grandparents assuming the role of parents once again due to their child participating in a substance use treatment program, incarceration, or worst-case scenario, loss of life to an overdose,” said Jen Smith, secretary of the state’s Drug and Alcohol Programs. “Having the right resources available to help both grandparents and grandchildren alike who are in this situation is vitally important.”
During Pinebrook’s course, available online with some in-person sessions, grandparents and other caregivers learn about resources and services available to them, as well as have opportunities to speak openly about their feelings with others going through similar situations.
“It’s nice to be able to talk about the emotions and the feelings of blame, guilt, anger that they don’t necessarily have to shy away from,” said Jocelyn Balan-Lopez, an outpatient behavioral health intern with Pinebrook who works with program participants. “I think, a lot of times, they’re so busy with other things, and they’re so busy with taking care of their grandchildren or a younger generation that they don’t even give themselves the space to do that.
“This kind of normalizes it, because they’re hearing it from other caregivers. And it kind of becomes OK for them to talk about.”
And, while the program was designed with grandparents in mind, any nonparental caregiver can benefit from it, advocates said.
“It’s a great opportunity for anyone that’s taken care of a second generation,” said Rosemary Polon, Pinebrook’s director of placement services. “So, it could be a great aunt, it could be an older family friend — someone who needs the support of other families. Even though it’s called the grandparents group, it’s really a great opportunity for families to just get support from each other.”
In addition to providing resources, the program helps grandparents forge connections with others to foster a system of support that lasts long after the program ends.
“It was great hearing other grandparents talk about their challenges, their successes,” O’Brien said. “It’s nice knowing you aren’t the only one having this experience.”
For O’Brien, one of the most impactful parts of the program was about taking the time to focus on caring for herself, she said.
“There were tips and coping mechanisms,” she explained. “And I think that was part of every session,” she explained, adding how simple actions, such as thinking of a favorite song while washing the dishes, can be an act of self care. “It’s almost like mini selfcare moments. It’s never too small to be self-care.”
Support groups like Pinebrook’s increase awareness that family structures like O’Brien’s exist, while also working toward normalizing it, she said.
“For me, the most important thing is it’s important to normalize [these situations] so that kids don’t get stigmatized,” she said. “We often talk about how families are all different shapes: there’s two mommies, there’s aunts, two dads or there’s grandparents. It’s all a family and when there’s love, concern and safety — that’s the important thing.”