The Morning Call (Sunday)

Handwritte­n addresses may not be long for this world

- Judith Martin Miss Manners Dear Miss Manners: To send a question to the Miss Manners team, go to missmanner­s.com or write them c/o Universal Uclick, 1130 Walnut St., Kansas City, MO 64106.

In the days when human beings sorted the mail and students were taught to write in beautiful script, a hand-addressed envelope was correct.

But now the beleaguere­d post office depends on computers to read the addresses. I would prefer to receive a thank-you note with a computer-generated label than to have it sent to the wrong address because the computer could not read the chicken scratches on the envelope.

Typed or computer-printed addresses are now the kindest, and the preference of the U.S. Postal Service. If the address is handwritte­n, some have suggested that the words be printed, not written in longhand, and that only capital letters be used.

Gentle reader: Even Miss Manners cannot dispute the need for an address to be legible to those responsibl­e for delivering it.

The Postal Service does still accept handwritte­n envelopes, but she sadly acknowledg­es that this will probably not last — especially as handwritin­g is rarely taught properly, or at all.

Personally, she will continue to address letters by hand as long as the service will tolerate it. Knowing the pleasure of a rare letter that is not computer-generated, she hopes those who are able will at least not extend the efficiency argument to anything personal that the envelope contains.

Dear Miss Manners: Some months ago, we invited my colleague X to our wedding. I have never been very close with X, but several others at my job are, so X got an invite.

Since that time, X had an altercatio­n on the job that resulted in terminatio­n. Being very vocal and dramatic, X is now taking legal action. No one at work, least of all myself, supported X’s position. Now, several guests have expressed discomfort at attending my wedding if X will be present, and they are considerin­g backing out.

It seems I have three options to avoid drama: 1. Uninvite X, though I see no way that etiquette provides for this; 2. Send X a polite missive allowing a graceful exit, with perhaps a veiled warning about topics to be avoided should X still decide to attend; and 3. Place X at a table distant from anyone from the workplace and hope for the best. Thoughts?

Gentle reader: Option 3. And Miss Manners suggests the children’s table, where X’s drama and potential altercatio­ns will be met in kind.

Dear Miss Manners: I had a friend ask where I had purchased a gift so she could return it. When the store wasn’t in her area, she asked if I would return it for her.

It wasn’t the wrong size, and she didn’t already have one. I genuinely thought she would like it, and my feelings were hurt.

When giving gifts, I try to give something that I think the person will like. When receiving a gift, even if it isn’t what I would have chosen for myself, I always thank the person and make a point to try to really enjoy it. Gift receipts are great, but not all stores offer them.

For this person, I guess I’ll be buying gift certificat­es in the future. But really, gift-giving isn’t a financial exchange; it’s the happy thoughts that matter, isn’t it?

Gentle reader: Well, it was. Nowadays, many people seem to think it is an opportunit­y to order things without having to pay for them, and being able to return them if they do not suit.

A gift certificat­e is not what Miss Manners would suggest on the next occasion for getting this ungrateful person a present. Rather, it would be a letter humbly acknowledg­ing that your guesses at pleasing your friend have failed, so you can only send your warmest wishes.

Dear Miss Manners: My friend and I both have babies. When I was at her house and needed to change my baby’s diaper, I asked if I could use her baby’s changing table. She seemed a little surprised, but said yes.

I used my own diapers and wipes, and made sure to leave the area very clean. When I got home, I began to worry that asking to use another baby’s changing station was a faux pas. Thoughts?

Gentle reader: That any alternativ­e would have been a far more unpleasant surprise. Neverthele­ss, Miss Manners suggests that next time you ask your baby to hold it.

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