Houseguest feels entitled to take book home as souvenir

My wife and I had a houseguest for a few days, and we fell into discussing some books that I have. She, the guest, expressed interest in borrowing one, but I declined. I am a bibliophile and have had books borrowed and never returned, although I didn’t say that to the guest.

I did say that, if she’d like, I would order her a copy of the book online, and that she’d have it when she got home. She declined.

When she was readying to leave, I happened to notice that the book in question was missing from the shelf, and I told her that I would like it back before she left. Her response was to cast me as stingy, selfish, uncaring, etc., all of which I thought unfair and undeserved.

She returned the book and departed. It was a bad moment all around, but, I thought, her doing.

My wife, however, disagrees and thinks my behavior was petty and ill-considered. I would like to know your thoughts.

Gentle reader: Having gone out of your way not to accuse your guest of theft, you nearly found yourself the flagrant victim of it anyway.

Please tell your wife that Miss Manners says that as long as the request is declined politely (and offering to buy a copy of the book is beyond generous), hosts are not required to give away their belongings just because they are asked. If that were the case, many an exercise bike, innocently stored in the guest room, might mysteriously go missing after a visit.

While shopping for furniture, I learned that one local store offered a deeper discount off of the manufacturer’s price than another: 25% vs. 20%. The difference on what I was considering buying amounted to about $600. While at the more expensive store, I asked if they would match the price at the other store. The manager said I would have to present her with written proof of the competitor’s price before she would match it.

I saw this as extremely rude. First and foremost, I was offended that the proprietor didn’t take me at my word. And even if she wanted to verify my claim, she could have done it easily (and out of my earshot) by making a call to the store herself.

Although I had been ready to buy from the more expensive store, I changed my mind. I told my sales associate that I didn’t like being told that I might be lying. My husband says my response was “harsh.” Was I too sensitive, and wrong to be offended?

Dear Miss Manners:

Yes, because, Miss Manners assures you, your honor was not at stake. This was a professional transaction and it was legitimate for the store to have asked you for proof.

We have all made the societal agreement that bargaining and advertising are held to a looser standard of truth in business. Otherwise we would all be calling a certain chicken restaurant a liar if we did not always lick our fingers after eating there.

Gentle reader:

Dear Miss Manners: A small group of friends got together for lunch at a local ethnic restaurant. The meal was complete, and I was going to require a doggie bag.

Before I was given the opportunity to advise our waiter, another member of the group flagged down a different member of the waitstaff and proceeded to instruct him on how to take care of my leftovers, right down to what kind of container should be used.

This conversation was conducted in a language that I do not speak. All of the staff speak English quite well.

I was reprimanded by my partner for making it clear that I did not appreciate the intrusion. Was I out of line?

Whew. At first Miss Manners was worried that your dining companion had pinched your leftovers.

As it is, she doesn’t quite see why you are upset. You seem to have decided that your friend was motivated by a bossy desire to run your life, which Miss Manners would, of course, condemn.

But she has a different suspicion: Your friend is proud of being able to speak a foreign language, and rarely gets a chance to try it on native speakers. Can’t you find it in your heart to consider this endearing?

Gentle reader:

What does “Creative Formal” mean on a party invitation?

Dear Miss Manners:

Gentle reader: Probably what we used to mean by “trying too hard.”