Who needs a doctor when you have in-laws like these?
Iam a recently married young woman who suffers from an inflammatory bowel disease. Because of my disease, I take medication prescribed by my doctor, and I do my best to eat a healthy diet. Lately, I have started following a vegetarian diet.
My mother-in-law brings up my disease in conversation whenever we see each other, and tries to convince me that I should be consuming a ketogenic diet because, in her view, vegetarian diets are inherently unhealthy. She also tries to convince me to replace my medications with lemon and ginger.
I find this line of discussion quite unpleasant — partially because I find her insistence that she knows better than my doctor and me disrespectful, but also because I do not think it is appropriate to try to meddle with the treatment plan of a person with a chronic illness. Can I gracefully but firmly ask my mother-in-law to keep her opinions on my health status to herself ? Or will I have to simply smile and nod my way through these conversations with her?
Gentle reader: If you thought you could, without unpleasant consequences, ask your mother-in-law to keep her opinions to herself, Miss Manners suspects you would already have done so.
But do not underestimate the power of smiling and nodding. If your mother-in-law realizes you are not going to fight back — and are also not going to change your habits — she will tire of giving advice. That way, you will not have to answer for having insulted her for what she will protest was only a motherly concern for your well-being.
Dear Miss Manners: After assisting a casual friend with an online application, she thanked me with a gift of a clutch wallet that she bought during a recent vacation. I am always happy to help people, and do so without expectation of compensation.
This clutch is from a popular designer. I looked it up and found that it retails at nearly $1,000. Thinking it might be a knockoff, my husband and I checked several online sources, but the wallet does not have any of the telltale signs we read about. A knockoff wallet valued at maybe $20 would be an appropriate gift, and I would put it to practical use ASAP. But if it’s an original, I find it uncomfortably excessive and would prefer to sell it. (I would replace it with a lookalike just in case she saw me use it sometime.)
I don’t assign any value whatsoever to designer things, but I know this friend does. She is quite status-conscious while I happily walk around with my $15 bag. It would make me sick to wear out a high-dollar wallet the way I use my daily stuff. A $20 gift card would have thrilled me, but I feel anxious about this gift. Should I continue to investigate the value, or just use it the way I use the same old one I’ve had for years?
You really want that $20 credit, don’t you? You mentioned that your acquaintance bought the wallet while
Gentle reader:
on vacation. Perhaps she did not want it anymore and considered it a casual regift, rather than a valuable present.
Regardless, the wallet is now yours and Miss Manners assures you that you may do with it what you want. Which seems to be endlessly researching its value and wishing it were $20 instead.
Asa physical therapist, I meet many people. Sometimes I do not know how to pronounce a new patient’s surname. We clinicians introduce ourselves by our first names, but I feel it would be disrespectful to greet a client with their first name until asked to do so. What would be a polite way to address someone and ask for the correct pronunciation?
Dear Miss Manners:
Gentle reader: “How do you do? I want to say your name correctly, so could you help me by telling me how you pronounce it?”
Why are we supposed to put napkins in our laps?
Dear Miss Manners:
Gentle reader: As opposed to using them as shirt protectors? Barring special conditions, people over the age of 6 are supposed to be able to transport food from the plate to their mouths without getting it all over themselves. Therefore, the napkin is merely placed within reach for minor dabbing. If you need more protection, Miss Manners acknowledges that it would be safer to move it within range of what you will splatter.