Graying hair and other signs of aging are not contagious

Dear Miss Manners: I got dumped by a friend because I don’t dye my hair. She is a struggling actor who colors her hair and tells everyone she is 10 or 15 years younger than she actually is.

Over the years, the grayer my hair got, the less she wanted to hang out with me, before eventually dropping me completely. Occasionally, I’ll see her on a television commercial selling postmenopausal vitamins or something.

It was painful at first, but it seems pretty funny now. Her hair might look 25, but all the other bits of her are firmly in the 60-and-over category.

Gentle reader: The snarky, but perhaps deserved, last bit notwithstanding, it appears you have had the last laugh.

If that was the reason your friend dropped you, it is indeed silly. The signs of aging are not catching. And Miss Manners is pleased to see that people are finally recognizing the dignity in getting older by letting their hair become gray or white. Perhaps when your friend discovers that she has only the occasional paycheck and some vitamins to comfort her in her old age, she will realize her folly. In the meantime, you are ahead.

Dear Miss Manners: Is there a polite way to decline to be photographed at parties and other private events? Not that anyone asks beforehand. I sometimes notice that I’m being snapped while in the midst of a friendly conversation at a host’s home, and people then post my photo on social media.

I simply don’t want my photos to be on the internet. If I say, “Wait, let me step out of the photo,” it seems to cause a scene. People ask, “Why don’t you want your picture taken?” and become upset, as if I’m behaving badly.

I’ve had people rudely criticize me, insisting that I “shouldn’t be worried about it.” There are dozens of reasons why someone might not want their photo online — from having dealt with a stalker to being employed in a role in which party photos are frowned upon.

I don’t think these reasons are anyone’s business. Of course people are going to take photos at weddings, but at cocktail parties and the like, shouldn’t I be able to say no? If so, how?

Gentle reader: Turn your back on them. No, not while they are speaking to you, of course. But if you find yourself being photographed without consent, Miss Manners suggests you slyly turn to look at something or bend down to tie a shoe. If questioned, you may say, “You know, I don’t want to ruin the picture, so I will just step aside.” After a few takes of this, your would-be photographers will probably be too exasperated and bewildered to protest.

Dear Miss Manners: I have never been one to wear a lot of makeup unless it is a special event. My daily makeup often consists of foundation/concealer, mascara and lip gloss.

I have often received compliments on my “lovely” skin. Knowing that I’m covering discoloration from acne scars and that my natural skin is not blemish-free, I feel dishonest just saying “thank you.” In fact, my ex-husband once gave me the side-eye when I did this, whispering, “if only she knew.”

Should I be disclosing that they are not seeing a makeup-free face?

Gentle reader: You do not have to betray truth in packaging when it comes to compliments. As a society, we are oversharing, and in Miss Manners’ opinion, women in particular feel the need to apologize for, explain away or deflect even the most generally pleasant of accolades. You do not need to indulge anyone with unsolicited confessions.

And while we are at it, you might have told your ex-husband to keep his side-eye and whispering to himself. Obviously, he must have serious blemishes of his own.

Dear Miss Manners: I love Italian food, especially a good ravioli. But here is my dilemma: An individual ravioli is usually too much of a mouthful to eat in one bite. What does a proper Italian do? Surely not spear one ravioli, nibble off half from the fork and then, after swallowing, take the final bite. So is it OK to cut the ravioli in half first?

Gentle reader: A proper Italian acquaintance of Miss Manners’ points out that a raviolo that doesn’t fit in the mouth differs from ravioli, which are smaller. Yes, you may cut it with your fork, but no, you may certainly not nibble.