Text reactions useful when friend can’t find right words

I have a close friend who loves to dress up in crazy outfits. They are almost costumelike: very garish and tacky (to me, anyway), with sequins, feathers, fringe, loud colors, etc.

To be clear, I applaud her desire to march to the beat of her own drum. I think she should dress however she wants to, as it’s really none of my business.

My issue is that I struggle with how to respond when she texts me photos of her wacky outfits. It seems rude to not respond at all, or to give a tepid “That’s quite a look!”

I feel she is constantly seeking my approval of her outfits, and I just can’t bring myself to lie and say she looks great when I think she looks a bit unhinged.

Do I just be a good friend and lie, saying I think she looks great? I hate lying, but I love my friend. Or do I continue to dig for something truthful and non-negative to say, like, “Wow, those sure are bright colors”?

Gentle reader: It is rare that Miss Manners will invoke an electronic solution for a human problem. But in this case, she finds the “reaction” feature of text messaging a convenient one. It conveys nominal interest without having to commit to a heartfelt opinion.

She therefore suggests using “Like,” “Love” and “Emphasis” liberally, according to your relative enthusiasm for the outfits.

But perhaps the question mark, however tempting it may be, should be left out of the rotation.

Dear Miss Manners: A friend called me, on two separate occasions, to complain about my daughter’s behavior towards her daughter at school.

I was a bit taken aback because when my daughter is at school, her teacher is responsible for her. I do not homeschool, and cannot control my daughter when she is not in my presence.

Initially, I offered an apology. When it happened a second time, I was annoyed, but said “thank you.” I contacted the school and let them know my daughter was experiencing social/relational aggression with schoolmates.

Since then, my supposed friend hasn’t contacted me. I feel that she has reacted emotionally and taken this situation personally.

What is the correct way to respond when a parent is contacted by another parent, and still maintain their respect and friendship?

Gentle reader: Your friend feels that parental responsibility is not a switch to be turned off merely because a child is out of sight. As Miss Manners agrees with her, her suggestion to you is that you listen, investigate (if important specifics are in doubt), and respond.

Dear Miss Manners: We are having a religious wedding ceremony followed by a reception at a private venue in which no alcohol is allowed. Though we are teetotalers, we recognize we do not have the right to impose our beliefs on others. Even so, we could not in good conscience provide alcohol for anyone.

We want to invite lots of friends who do drink alcohol, but I fear they may be disappointed (or not want to attend at all) if they discover that no alcohol will be served.

I will be sending out the wedding invitations soon. What would Miss Manners advise: Should I mention in the invitations that alcohol will not be served?

Gentle reader: In what sense is it imposing your beliefs on others not to buy them alcohol? If Miss Manners fails to serve ice cream to those who love it, would she be interfering with their beliefs?

For that matter, is drinking a belief ?

But she has a more relevant question: Why would you invite people to your wedding who would not care to attend unless they were drinking?

Dear Miss Manners: I take senior ladies who are unable to drive to appointments and shopping. Occasionally, they want to treat me to lunch with them.

We always pray over the meal. The problem is that they want to hold hands during the prayer, but they have just been wiping their noses. I don’t feel comfortable touching their hands, then using my hands to pick up my food. They get upset with me if I fold my hands in my lap instead.

How should I handle this?

Gentle reader: Pray that you remembered to bring hand sanitizer.