‘Caring, sensitive man’ poses a #MeToo riddle
Dear Amy: I like to think that I am a caring and sensitive man, one who respects women and appreciates the spirit of the #MeToo movement. A recent experience disturbed me; I am looking for some objective feedback.
Recently, I was with a woman I know well. We had drinks before, during and after dinner.
It became apparent she was quite intoxicated and probably should head to bed to sleep it off. I helped her up the stairs to the bathroom. After a few minutes, when I heard the door open, I came back to check on her.
Then things got tricky.
She was naked, and she made sexual advances toward me. I knew that the right thing to do was to help her get dressed and into bed for sleep, and then go on about my own business.
But I was weak due to my strong attraction to her. We engaged in sexual activity, and during the acts I believed there was a possibility the next day she would not remember (or at least might not remember how things got started). Yet I continued, and I am remorseful.
Have I committed date rape? Am I a predator? If the situation came to a courtroom, or if I were a public figure, would I be judged to be a bad man? Finally, does it matter this woman is my wife of 25 years? — Wondering Husband
Dear Husband: I’m assuming instead your question might be a disingenuous and rude little riddle, designed to trip up an unsuspecting reader.
Let’s press on. You ask for an objective opinion: Let’s establish at the outset that no, you are not a caring and sensitive man. No, you do not respect the #MeToo movement. That much is obvious.
Taking the scenario you describe — yes, you sexually assaulted your wife. She was drunk; you were sober. She wasn’t able to consent to sex — not that you asked her. No, you did not commit “date rape.” You did, however, commit “marital rape.” Yes, this makes you a predator.
Unfortunately your wife is married to a man who thinks this is a clever legitimate question worthy of debate. Be ashamed. Turn in your good husband card. You are a cad.