Fiance moves in, then stops moving
Dear Readers: I’ve briefly stepped away from my column to work on a new writing project. This week, I’m rerunning topical Q&A’s from 10 years ago. Today’s topic: pre-wedding jitters. I’ll be back next week with fresh columns.
Dear Amy: My fiance and I got engaged last year. At the time, he was living in his own apartment and paying rent. My family very generously invited him to come live with us rent-free until we were married, thinking it would be easier for him to save for the wedding. He quickly accepted the offer, but instead of putting the money toward the wedding we’re planning, he decided to buy a new car.
My fiance is often home washing his new car, taking a nap or playing video games while my parents are doing the work around the house.
He never offers to help, and if I ask him to do a simple task such as walk their dog for them, he rolls his eyes and tries very hard to get out of it. I want him to choose to make the effort. Am I wrong to expect him to help out in exchange for a year of free living?
— Fed-Up Fiancee
Dear Fed-Up: You aren’t wrong to expect a fiance to help out around the house, but it seems you are wrong to expect YOUR fiance to help. Why? Because, at least in your telling, he sounds like a child.
Children need to be asked, reminded and sometimes scolded into doing what they’re supposed to do — and roll their eyes in retaliation. Keep in mind that you are not his mommy. Are you sure you want to marry this guy?
The behavior you are barely tolerating now will intensify with time. If your fiance becomes your husband, you will be married to someone who is rested and entertained, and who takes care of his toys while he neglects everything else (including you). You will do everything he doesn’t want to do, and it sounds as if he doesn’t want to do much. (August 2009)
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Copyright 2019 by Amy Dickinson Distributed by Tribune Content Agency