Relationship of dreams creates fear
Dear Amy: I am married to the man of my dreams. After a rough first marriage, I was definitely rewarded with an amazing second one.
My husband and I have been together for 11 years, and it still feels like we’re honeymooning. The problem? I’m terrified that something will happen to him. I know it’s silly, but the fear that he will die never leaves. I lie awake some nights, heart pounding, worrying about it.
I know that worrying solves nothing, but I can’t shake it! I reached out for therapy, but my insurance doesn’t cover mental health and my city is woefully lacking in resources. I’m on two wait lists for affordable therapy, but I’m not sure what to do in the meantime. Any tips on managing this fear?
— Scared Silly in New Orleans
Dear Scared Silly: Given that this fear and rumination are interfering with your daily life, it’s important that you continue to pursue professional counseling. I assume that this fear is at its core not really about your husband but about you. Coming to terms with other losses in your life will help you to embrace your daily blessings with less fear attached.
If you don’t learn to manage this, your ongoing fear will affect your lovely and loving relationship.
In the short term, I suggest diving into practical and healthy pursuits that may help to rewire your brain. Running, yoga, meditation and music are activities you can pursue as ways to distract and expand your consciousness and to better control your ruminative thoughts.
You live in New Orleans (lucky you!), so I suggest you pick up your ukulele and join one of the free jam sessions that spring up around the city. Music will open you up.
For an introductory guide to a daily meditation practice, read “How to Meditate: A Practical Guide to Making Friends with Your Mind,” by the wonderful Buddhist sage Pema Chodron (2013, Sounds True). Chodron lovingly leads the reader toward a beginner’s meditation practice.
Fearful thoughts will still enter your mind. But meditation can teach you to open a window and let them merely pass through.
Copyright 2019 by Amy Dickinson Distributed by Tribune Content Agency