1,000-plus cast light on suicide
Fundraiser on Lehigh Parkway promotes awareness, prevention
Forthright and earnest, Peter LaMontia wiped away the stigma of suicide by describing his own attempt, a mixing of pills and booze meant to end once and for all the debilitating pain he endured from an intestinal condition.
“I didn’t want to suffer anymore,” LaMontia said, looking back to Memorial Day in 2017, when he joined the company of suicide survivors — men, women and children who reach the point where they see death as the best option, but some way or another remain alive.
LaMontia, 76, spent four days in the hospital recovering and two months undergoing intensive therapy in a mental health facility, where doctors hit on the right mix of medicine and lifted him out of the pit.
That experience is why he came to Lehigh Parkway in Allentown on Sunday, joining more than 1,000 others in the Out of the Darkness Walk, an annual fundraiser for suicide prevention.
The gathering brings together people who have lost loved ones to suicide or have been tempted to it themselves, and it was staggering to see the number of T-shirts bearing the photos and life dates of people
whose smiles belied a pursuing darkness.
A double-sided white board bore scores of sticky notes with scrawled messages of love and lament: “I love you so much I hope your happier,” read one, clearly in a child’s hand. “In loving memory of my best friend and mother,” said another. Two notes on opposite ends of the board said “I miss you Uncle Jack,” and another wished blessings on Uncle Lloyd.
“I don’t remember so many people writing down two names,” said Mary Youtz of Upper Milford Township, who lost her son, Joe, in 2004. She noted, too, that the number of children at the event in recent years seemed to be increasing — an encouraging sign, perhaps, that parents are talking more openly about the problem.
It’s hard to avoid. Suicide has been in the public eye starkly in recent years because of a number of high-profile deaths: chef Anthony Bourdain, designer Kate Spade, comedian Robin Williams.
In the U.S., about 45,000 people die by suicide each year. It’s the 10th leading cause of death.
State Rep. Mike Schlossberg, D-Lehigh, one of the main speakers at the walk, said more than 2,000 Pennsylvanians killed themselves in 2017.
LGBT youth are especially vulnerable, according to The Trevor Project, a national suicide awareness group. They are five times more likely to attempt suicide than heterosexual peers. Among transgender adults, suicide attempts are astonishingly high — more than 41% of participants in one study said they tried.
Chelsea Kaulius of Northampton — a transgender woman and the girlfriend of LaMontia’s son, Luke — said she never attempted suicide, but often considered it as she struggled with her identity.
“I had thoughts about how I would do it and where I would do it,” she said. “I had to turn and face my demons.”
She did that by coming out as transgender. That was in 2014. Kaulius’ suicidal thoughts faded and she devoted herself to the cause of awareness.
“We were thrilled when we saw the number of people who were out here,” she said.
Matt Hammer, a Wyoming native who now lives in Northampton, came out to honor two friends, whose stories reflect two types of suicidal people: the seemingly happy and the clearly troubled.
One, named Shane, “was a veterinarian with a nice family and a successful practice,” Hammer said. “He barricaded himself in his house and shot himself.”
The other, Scott, committed what Hammer called slow-motion suicide by drinking himself to death.
Each man might have survived through intervention, but finding help is sometimes a challenge.
Peter LaMontia said his depression began long before his suicide attempt, but when he tried to make an appointment with a therapist, no one could fit him in for months.
Suicide prevention “is better than it’s ever been with the stigma being lower than ever,” Luke LaMontia said. “But there’s not enough therapists out there.”
As of Sunday, the walk had raised almost $116,000 of its $165,000 goal. Donations will be accepted until Dec. 31 and can be made online at the American Foundation for Suicide Prevention website, afsp.donordrive.com. If you need help, the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline number is 800-2738255.