Biggest mistake of my life

Help! I did something very reckless and stupid and now because of this, I’m finding myself being blackmailed. A guy that recently met suggested that we keep in touch. I really liked him, so I agreed to keep in touch. Well, recently he started talking to me at school and then one day he gave me his telephone number. We’ve been messaging back and forth on our phones for a while now, and over time he started to flirt with me.

Eventually, one thing led to another, and he asked me if I could send him sexy photos. At first, I was hesitant, but ultimately, I worked up the courage to take a picture of myself in my bra and panties and texted it to him. I’ve never done anything like this in my entire life before, and even though I knew it wasn’t smart, the rush that I got from participating in such risky, rebellious behavior excited me in ways I’ve never known before.

Now, however, this guy that I sent the photo to is threatening me and telling me that if I don’t sleep with him, he’s going to send the photo of me to everyone he knows. I’m terrified and horrified, and I feel trapped. If anyone finds out about the photo, I’ll be in so much trouble and my parents will never forgive me.

What do I do and how can I protect myself from this guy’s manipulative behavior?

— Made a Big Mistake, via email

Dear Made a Big Mistake,

I’ll spare you the lecture about how foolish your actions were, as this will allow us to focus entirely on what to do now.

You mentioned that you’ve seen this guy at school, so I’ll assume you are likely a high school student, as is he.

His behavior is indeed blackmail and in no way, shape or form should you ever even consider giving in to his blackmail in any format, large or small. In fact, you now need to cut him off immediately and you need to end his threats.

Since you do not want your parents involved, I suggest that you immediately contact a female counselor at your high school. Ask in advance for confidentiality, which I trust will be granted. Then explain to your counselor exactly what happened and in what sequence. Save any texts or voicemails he may have sent you about this subject matter, even the early ones requesting the pictures in the first place.

Yes, you did make a grand error in judgment, but now you need to have the blackmail end immediately. Your school counselor and/or the school principal will make contact with the young man in question, and they have the leverage to end this matter. I can’t say what specifically will happen, but I do know from experience that school officials take these types of matters very seriously.

If you’re very lucky, they will have the young man delete the photo(s) in their presence and receive his word to leave you alone permanently. Your parents might not ever hear about this matter. But it’s also possible that via gossip your situation could still find a broader audience, even without the actual photos being involved. So, be prepared for various possible outcomes.

Immediately contacting trusted adults at your school is your best bet right now. Be honest, contrite and learn your hard lesson well. Never, ever, send out a photograph or even a comment of yours that could put you in a compromised position in the future. I trust you’ve learned this quite well by now, and I hope you obtain a successful, low-key outcome in this matter.

I’m interested in fraternities

Currently, I am in my first semester at college and am settling in pretty well. I have become good friends with my roommates and the guys who live in the dorms in our hall.

Next semester, though, is the time when everyone will rush with their fraternities. Greek life is really popular at my school, and everyone says it’s a great way to make lifelong friends. I really want to rush next fall but do not know if I will have enough time with my tough class schedule and extracurricular activities I’m already committed to.

I don’t want to miss out on this great opportunity but do not know if it works for me right now.

— Interested But Busy, via email

Dear Interested But Busy,

The good news is that you have some time between now and next fall. Think about things over the upcoming summer and see if you can find a balance that might work for you.

You might be forthright and upfront when the time comes to explain that you are quite interested in a fraternity, but that you might not have as much time as most students do for their various activities.

By being transparent, you may find a fraternity that would be interested in accommodating you. Better yet, if they can understand and appreciate your schedule and still accept you, they are likely going to be populated with members who are just as busy as you are. Birds of a feather do flock together, so perhaps the right flock is out there waiting for you. Be honest and earnest and give it your best shot.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@thegreatestgift.com. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.