The Morning Journal (Lorain, OH)
Teen worries that parents’ fighting is not healthy
DEAR AMY: I am 15 years old. My mom and dad have always fought a little bit, but recently it has gotten really bad.
Whenever I bring up the topic of their fights my mom will say, “It is healthy for the relationship.”
She recently told me they were going to see a marriage counselor. This came as quite the bombshell.
I try to pretend that it doesn’t bother me because my parents have a lot to deal with. I have a younger brother with health problems, so my parents are often busy with him.
I don’t want to be a bother but I also need to know if I should brace for the worst. — Just a Teen
DEAR TEEN: Your mother might feel that your folks’ fighting is good for their relationship, but she should also consider the extreme impact their fighting is having on you (and your brother, too — for sure).
One thing adults don’t think about when they fight in front of their children is that while the kids often see (or hear) the fight, they aren’t often present for the reconciliation. Forgiveness is vital for settling arguments peacefully, but it is a quieter process and parents forget to share this part of the argument — the end of it — with their household. So you are only witness- ing the worst of your parents’ behavior.
Be honest with them. Please don’t hold this in. Your worries and anxieties are important, but as the very responsible older sibling in this challenging situation, you feel you need to protect your family members from your own truth. Say what you want (and need) to say.
Counseling is a good thing. It could help your parents to behave differently. I also think counseling could be great for you; during a calm moment talk to your mom about it. If things deteriorate further for you at home, definitely talk to a favorite teacher and/or your school counselor.
DEAR AMY: “Saddened” wrote to you about her husband’s long-standing affair, which he never apologized for. He claimed if the affair was over, an apology wasn’t necessary.
My heart broke for her. I think it’s time to call a lawyer. — Also Sad
DEAR SAD: The shortest path toward forgiveness is through an apology. This husband’s insistence in sweeping his actions under the rug doesn’t bode well for their future.