Regular customer thanks the wrong ‘sir’

DEAR AMY >> I’m a man living in a diverse liberal neighborhood of a diverse and liberal college town. I frequent a great organic market/sandwich shop in our town center, staffed by an eclectic group of friendly young folks, including a person in the early stages of transition (male to female). I am in there several times a day and always friendly with the staff.

This morning, the person in transition rang up my purchases. As she handed me my change I said, “Thank you, sir.” I’d like to chalk this up as a senior moment, although she is 6 feet 3 inches tall with a sturdy, masculine build, so it may have been somewhat subconscious.

I was immediately mortified, but my snap decision was to let it go rather than correct myself. I didn’t want to add insult to injury, and make it worse. I could see she looked a bit upset. I wondered if she was insecure that she wasn’t convincing as a female.

Am I overthinking this encounter? Part of me wants to say something the next time we interact, but I don’t want to embarrass her and call undue attention to her.

I would never have deliberately hurt her feelings.

What do you think I should do? — Feeling Guilty

DEAR GUILTY >> I don’t think you should call attention to this faux pas publicly. I do think you should learn her name, and use it.

If you are a frequent patron of the shop, knowing the names of some of the counter and wait staff will ease all of your encounters.

The next time you happen to interact with her, you can say, “By the way, I’m in here all the time; I’m ‘Charles.’ What’s your name?” Tell her, “It’s nice to finally meet you,” and greet her by name from now on.

DEAR AMY >> Thank you for your stance against spanking.

When my son was a challenging 2 year old, I thought to myself about all the pain that he might suffer in his life (disease, injuries, accidents, bullying, fighting, crime, etc.), and I decided that none of it was going to come from me. He’s grown into a kind, self-confident and empathetic adult, and if he gives us grandchildren someday I know that he will treat them kindly, as his parents treated him.

— Not a Hitter DEAR NOT A HITTER >> Beautiful.

Amy Dickinson