Former friend’s family takes advantange of her party planning capabilities

DEAR AMY >> My old college friend and former roommate is pregnant with her fourth child. We are not as close as we once were, but still keep in regular contact.

A family member of hers contacted me recently to ask if I would be willing to host a baby shower in her honor. My friend had difficulty getting pregnant this time around and so I am very happy for her blessing.

Her family lives out of town. Amy, I have co-hosted multiple parties and events for her and her family over the years (honoring engagements, weddings, graduations, etc.) and have never once had the favor returned. I did not even receive a congratulatory note when my own daughter was born, and invitations I extend to attend celebrations in my life get rejected.

Is there a way to politely refuse to serve as hostess? Should I put my hurt feelings aside in the name of friendship? — Feeling Bitter in Boston DEAR FEELING BITTER >> Here is how you politely refuse this request: “I’m honored you asked me to host this shower, but unfortunately I can’t do it. I’m so excited for Barbara, I hope this pregnancy goes smoothly for her, and I wish her the very best.”

“Upset” was overly concerned about going with his wife to meet with a group of high school friends, including one she’d had a very brief relationship with.

His wife told him to “get over it.” She should have at least validated his feelings.

Gentle validation (“I’m sorry you’re upset, but this is nothing for you to worry about”) would work better. — A Reader DEAR READER >> I agree. Thank you.

Amy Dickinson