Man’s friend has poor social manners

DEAR AMY » I have a buddy with whom I occasionally play racquetball, have lunch or breakfast, and play cards.

He’s a nice guy, but lacks certain social graces. Today, he called to chat, and asked if I was busy tomorrow afternoon. When I said I had no plans, he suggested we watch a ballgame together on television, and said he’d come over at around 1 p.m.

In other words, he invited himself over.

My wife enjoys sitting and reading quietly in the TV room and while we can easily change our routine, it just seems rude to invite yourself to someone else’s house.

I don’t know how to deal with those kinds of things. I don’t want to be rude to him, but what can I say that won’t sound like I’m rejecting him?

— Pal

DEAR PAL » Some people simply don’t read social cues very well. Unless your friend is (gently) corrected, he will never know how his behavior affects you.

The way to respond to this sort of breach is to be judicious, respectful, truthful — and to let your wife be the fall guy.

In the future, you could say, “Well, I don’t want to say yes to this until I run it past my wife. I’m not sure what her plans are.” Alternatively, you could say, “A ball game sounds great. Can we watch it at your place (or the corner tavern or sports bar)?”

DEAR AMY » I am a man who has been in the same position as “Frustrated’s!” husband, who would ask, “What can I do for you?” instead of just taking responsibility for his half of the household chores.

I used to be like this. I just didn’t know how to be helpful and I didn’t want to get in the way. Honestly, my wife basically trained me how to take on more responsibility and now we work together.

— Reformed

DEAR REFORMED » I have received a huge response to this letter, and many men echo your statement — they needed some guidance and when they got it, they stepped up.