Handling some sticky situations

Local medical professionals weigh in on how to deal with holiday family issues

The holidays, which can be a joyous time of gathering with friends and family, also can heighten certain issues and make it a difficult time for some people coping with addiction.

Unfortunately, some may be dealing with certain issues that are made worse or resurface when around friends or family.

“What we see with individuals, especially those who are dealing with drug addiction, is that they spend a lot of the time trying to conceal it,” said Thomas Stuber, president and CEO of The LCADA Way. “When family comes in, however, these things have the chance of being discovered. This is often the case with someone coming in from out of town and seeing someone they haven’t seen in awhile. They have no knowledge of their family member’s situation.” Stuber said this can add stress. “It makes it hard on everyone involved,” he said. “The person with the dependency will feel bad for hurting the expectation of the holiday.

“Living with addiction is highly stressful. Family members, the more they learn about it, find out that it is a neurological disease, and it is more difficult to deal with than a family might think.”

— Thomas Stuber, The LCADA Way

“It may cause them to feel even more distanced from the group. The family who discovers the issue, also has to deal with how best to approach the situation.”

Stuber said families need to come together in these situations.

“The best thing families can do is be supportive,” he said. “They need to be careful about how they choose to deal with the situation, because it will have a huge impact on an individual’s recovery.”

Stuber said families must be sensitive about what someone is going through.

“Living with addiction is highly stressful,” he said. “Family members, the more they learn about, find out that it is a neurological disease, and it is more difficult to deal with than a family might think.

“The addicted party’s brain chemistry changes and the drug becomes the driving force behind what they do. It becomes so bad, they choose it over maternal instinct and even survival.

“People who are addicted to heroin, for instance, probably knew someone who overdosed and died from the drug, but they continue to use it anyway. It’s important to be patient with them and take advantage of the organizations in the county, like the Alcohol and Drug Addiction Services Board of Lorain County.”

Stuber said interventions are an effective way to deal with learning about a family member’s dependency.

“It’s good for people, who care for the addicted individual, to come together and tell them how they’ve changed due to the addiction,” he said. “Show the individual how their values and behaviors have changed.

“Interventions aren’t treatment, but it starts those addicted on the path to recovery.”

Stuber warned against being too confrontational.

“Interventions can go wrong if the subject feels threatened and attacked,” he said. “It’s important to first talk to an expert on interventions. The addicted party needs to know the family will care and support them through this.”

Rebecca Jones, director of adult behavioral health services for The Nord Center, said stress does tend to increase around the holidays and cause more problems.

“Stress can be heightened around this time of year, for sure,” Jones said. “Different things can happen that we don’t expect. A good thing would be to plan ahead.

“People also need to lower their expectations about the holidays. We’re all human, and rarely do things end up as perfect as we thought. So, make sure to check your expectations.”

It’s important for those who are going through a tough time to find support, Jones said.

“Sometimes, problems arise because family may not be where you find your comfort or support,” she said. “Sometimes, their expectation may make things worse.

“It’s important for people to find support where you can. It may be a friend, counselor or a pastor. Make sure to talk to someone who is willing to help you through what you are going through.”

The Nord Center is a good outlet for people going through a difficult time, Jones said.

Its hotline, 800-888-6161, is available 24 hours a day, seven days a week for any problem someone is going through, she said.

“We also have support groups throughout the week,” Jones said. “It’s important to talk to someone who will listen and help in a supportive way.”