Grief Hampers Decision Making

If you’ve ever lost a loved one, then you know about grief. The dictionary defines grief as “deep sorrow, especially that caused by someone’s death.” I’m not sure that really captures it. When my dad passed unexpectedly I experienced sorrow, yes. But also loneliness, anger, fear, and a whole host of other emotions. There is no recipe for grief, and there is no time limit. It’s personal and no one can tell you how to feel or how to deal with it. No mater how you handle grief, it certainly doesn’t put you in the best position to make a savvy business deal. I learned that firsthand while sitting across from an undertaker twenty-four hours after my dad’s heart attack.

I was working when my dad was found, and his housekeeper was the one who called me. She really didn’t speak English very well (my dad was living in Mexico), but I understood “Mr. Gavin, Mr. Dan passed away. You should come.” After that call I spent the next few hours on the phone, no time to start grieving yet. I called my aunt, my mom, my wife, and my dad’s friends. I was the one who was closest to him, but I found myself consoling everyone else. After that I found the next flight to Guadalajara. When I got there it was straight into a taxi and to the funeral home. All my dad ever said about death was that he preferred cremation, so I didn’t have much to go on. I found myself looking at urns and talking about cemetery options while extremely tired, confused, and still basically in shock. I’d just seen my dad on the table ten minutes before. I ended up going for the works, partly because I wanted the best for my dad and partly because I just surrendered and let the employees lead me down the path.

In hindsight that’s not what my dad would have wanted. He was a simple man. He didn’t want extravagance or unnecessary expense in life, I’m sure he wouldn’t want it in death. If he had pre-planned his own final arrangements, they would no doubt have reflected that. For me, the money wasn’t the worst part of the experience at all. The most traumatic thing was having to sit down and talk turkey with a businessman while trying to hold back the flood of grief that was coming. Immediately after a loss it’s hard enough to get through the checkout line at the grocery store, let alone make decisions involving thousands of dollars. And now I’m left with some regret, because with a clear head I know I would have made different decisions.

I imagine this story has some familiarity to a lot of you reading this. My situation was by no means unique. We live in a culture that is uncomfortable talking about death, and that leads many of us to ignore it. But eventually it thrusts itself upon us, and we’re often unprepared. It doesn’t have to be like that. We can talk about it, and we can plan for it. We can make our wishes known and take charge of planning our own legacy. Once you do that, it’s a relief to know the task won’t fall to anyone else. If my dad had pre-planned all of his final arrangements ahead of time it would have been one last gift from him to me.

Pre-planning is for those we leave behind as much as it is for ourselves.

My dad’s passing is part of the reason I sought out a career as a cemeterian. I want to help people facing similar situations and do my best to make it easier for them. I want to help people give the gift of pre-planning their final arrangements to their loved ones, before it’s too late. That’s what we offer at Ridge Hill Memorial Park. We don’t push folks to overspend. We simply have a conversation and explain all of your options, with absolutely no pressure. If you decide pre-planning is right for you, you’ll receive the best pricing possible and guaranteed protection against future price increases. We even offer an interest-free payment plan. A fair deal with no pushy salesmanship, that’s the way I think it should be for everyone. No family should have a devastating loss compounded by financial hardship. Ridge Hill Memorial Park makes it easy to ensure that your family won’t ever be in that situation.

My name is Gavin Baker, I’m the manager at Ridge Hill Memorial Park. Our office is open Monday through Friday from 8am to 5pm, and our phone number is 440-233-5113. Give us a call, check us out at www.ridgehillmp.org, or just stop in and see me at 44805 North Ridge Rd. in Amherst. There’s plenty of things to worry about in life, the cost associated with death doesn’t have to be one of them.