Awkward descriptions

DEAR READERS

>> I have stepped away from my daily column for two weeks to finish writing my next book, which is due to be published next fall. As I sequester myself, noodling over this memoir, I hope you’ll enjoy this topical “best of ” question and answer while I’m away. Today’s question deals with awkward terminolog y.

DEAR AMY >> I feel terrible. At a 4-year- old’s birth- day party, I stood talking to three other moms from my son’s preschool class.

One of the moms was wearing a blouse that looked to me like maternity clothes.

You guessed it. I asked, “Are you expecting?”

I could tell instantly that I’d made a mistake.

She said, “No,” and we sort of laughed at the awkward moment.

I later apologized to her in the parking lot, ex- plaining about her blouse, but it sounded lame.

I know that what I said was potentially ver y hurtf ul — maybe she was sensitive about her weight (as most of us are), or tr ying to conceive another child.

I don’t know how to make it right. I feel horribly guilty about my inconsiderate question.

Do you have any suggestions about anything I can do to make her feel better?

— Dope-slapping Myself

DEAR DOPE >> Stop. Stop before you kill again. You committed a faux pas. You apologized. Don’t make things worse by continuing to bring it up, which would remind you both of this embarrassing episode.

The blouse, by now, has hit the dustbin, and you’ve learned a lesson in mommy diplomacy. It is never a good idea to ask about a pregnancy, unless a woman invites you to. (May 2006)