Live-in partner doesn’t want boyfriend’s kids

DEAR AMY » Do I have a say if I don’t want my boyfriend’s two children to live with us?

I am childless at the moment (going to college), and do not want this to affect my budget.

I am supportive, and he has joint custody.

I just cannot commit to being a full-time mom to other children when I don’t even have my own.

I know what I signed up for, but I’ve seen great fathers that don’t live with their children (like my dad).

— Wondering Woman DEAR WONDERING » No, you don’t have a say.

What I mean is that you simply don’t have the right to ask a committed parent to give up shared custody of his children for you. And if you think the main impact of having these children in your life will be on your budget, then you are simply not equipped to take this on.

If these children lived with the two of you half the time, then you wouldn’t be a full-time mother. He would be the primary parent; you would be the back-stop parent when they were with you.

Most importantly — and really the only thing that matters — is that you obviously do not want to do this.

It is completely valid at your stage in life to make a choice not to have children. This is the essence of a person’s right to choose.

You are correct that many wonderful parents do not have custody of their children.

However, your guy’s choice is to share custody of his children.

He and his kids are a package deal, and you must either accept the package, or leave the relationship, because it isn’t what you want.

DEAR AMY » “Confused Girl” is a nurse dating a cop, long distance.

He only wants to see her once a month. She wants more. Although I thought you gave decent advice, you missed the obvious: His preferences indicate that he is likely married.

— Been There

DEAR BEEN THERE » A definite possibility.