Thrust into an unexpected role
Grandparents raising grandchildren face financial hardship
NORWALK — When Rosetta Melton arrived at Bridgeport Hospital, she didn’t have much information — all she knew was her daughter had just attempted suicide and her granddaughter might be in danger.
“When I got there, they didn’t want to tell me anything,” Melton said, thinking back to July 16, 2016. “They couldn’t confirm if my daughter or granddaughter was there; they held me there from 5:19 in the morning, all day until around 6 o’clock.”
About 20 minutes after she arrived, a police officer led Melton to a hospital room where her two-yearold granddaughter was sitting. She immediately jumped into her grandmother’s arms.
“All of a sudden all these people who work in the ER come rushing in as if I did something, as if I was a threat,” Melton said, still confused five years later about why that happened.
Soon after, a Child Protective Services worker with the Department of Children & Families approached Melton and said, given her daughter’s situation, DCF could not guarantee Melton custody of her granddaughter.
“I lost it,” Melton said. Thankfully, in the end, DCF placed the granddaughter with Melton, making her one of about 19,000 grandparents responsible for their grandchildren in the state, according to U.S. Census data.
For decades, grandparents have taken on the role of parent when needed — some for a second, third or fourth time.
Many, like Melton, are thrust into the role without warning, often stepping in for their own children who struggle with drug addiction, incarceration, mental illness or other issues. Some are unprepared for the financial, emotional and health challenges that come along with parenting at an older age and advocates say with little notice, they are forced to face many obstacles with few supports and services tailored to their needs.
“It definitely aged me,” said Melton, 56, of Bridgeport. “There were some days Iwas just simply crawling — and I lost a lot. I need to file for bankruptcy, but because you need money to file for bankruptcy, I haven’t yet. I lost my car. I stopped going to school. I’m three classes from completing my master’s (degree). Financially, it destroyed me.”
Of the 19,000 Connecticut grandparents responsible for their grandchildren, about 50 percent are white, 26 percent are black, 21 percent are Latino, and 3 percent are Asian, according to U.S. Census data. More than 30 percent of those children have no parent present in the home.
Furthermore, the percentage of the population aged 30 and older living with grandchildren has increased from 3.6 percent in 2000 to 3.8 percent in 2014.
“I think it’s still on the rise,” said Paul Ganim, a probate judge in Bridgeport. “I’m sitting on probably five to nine, 10 cases a week where we’re dealing with various issues with guardianship and placing children in safe homes.”
The preferred place to put a child, according to Kenneth Cabral, regional administrator for DCF, is with a family member or a family friend, called a kinship care arrangement.
Tonya Gonsalves, 59, started taking care of her 5-year-old grandnephew a few years ago through Family & Children’s Agency’s kinship program. After the six-month program, she moved to permanently adopt him.
“It’s best that they’re with the family member straight from the beginning,” the Westport woman said. “It’s a lot of confusion on their part and they really don’t understand why they’re placed with a stranger.”
Still, advocates say many grandparents are hesitant about taking legal custody of their grandchildren.
“I think most grandparents hesitate to take full custody away from their child because they hope there will be some elimination of the substance abuse and family reunification,” said Marie Allen, executive director of Southwestern Connecticut Agency on Aging. “There’s also a lot of challenges for the grandparents around legal rights, like a health proxy before they become a guardian.”
For example, if a grandparent takes the child to a hospital, staff might ask the legal guardian to sign off. If the legal guardian is still the child’s biological parent, and they’re unreachable, that could cause barriers for the child needing care. Grandparents can face similar challenges when trying to enroll their grandchildren in school if they don’t have legal custody.
For Yolanda Stinson, the 59-year-old Bridgeport woman has had to step in four times to take care of her 13-year-old grandson. The Norwalk native does not have legal custody of him and said while some people are understanding of the situation, others are not.
“Because it’s happened so many times, the school, the doctors, everybody in his life just lets me bring him for appointments,” Stinson said. “Our story needs to get out. We need to somehow get some legislation (so) we don’t have to jump through hoops.”
If DCF places a child in foster care, the foster parent receives a stipend. However, if a grandparent decides not to go through DCF and informally takes care of the child, they do not receive the same financial help.
“There was a bill before legislation last year to change that, to make it so if a grandparent had legal custody they’d get the same stipend,” said Gail Carroll, former director of Grandparents Raising Grandchildren at Child & Family Guidance Center in Bridgeport. “DCF spoke against it because it would be $14 million ... In the Connecticut General Assembly, the big concern was budget cutting.”
According to testimony provided during the public hearing for the bill, DCF said,“In light of economic realities facing the state, the Department cannot support this proposal at this time.” The bill never made if out of committee.
This is not to say DCF provides no financial help.
Cabral said Connecticut provides guardians a “fairly healthy” stipend, which is tailored to the each situation.
But, the regional administrator for DCF said, “We are the government. We have a public responsibility to ensure we’re good stewards of public dollars so there are some limits to how far we can go.”
For Melton, the assistance came out to about $25 a day for the nine months she had joint custody of her granddaughter. Even after her daughter was granted full custody, Melton said she is still heavily involved in her granddaughter’s life.
The $25 a day was a “nice gesture” but nowhere near enough, said Melton, who works nights at an inpatient psychiatric unit.
“Here I am making about $50,000 a year,” she said. Of that, about $15,000 goes to her granddaughter’s needs, leaving her only about $35,000. “That’s a big cut.”
For Melton, the financial hardship is her biggest struggle, which is why she joined the Grandparents Raising Grandchildren support group. Unfortunately, the group does not monetary support. Still, Melton said it was healthy to get things off her chest, speaking with other dealing with similar situations.
“We went monthly. It was awesome,” said Stinson, also amember of the group. “We had each other, and it was the best thing in the world for us.”
For about 15 years, the Grandparents Raising Grandchildren support group, met at the Child & Family Guidance Center in Bridgeport. It provided support, counseling and access to services for grandparents. The group started with a balanced meal, difficult for some grandparents to provide for their grandchildren everyday, said Carroll, who led the group.
Unfortunately, the group ended in the spring of 2018, though members still try to get together when they can.
“We haven’t left contact with each other. As it stands today, we are trying to do it ourselves,” Stinson said.
Carroll said she could only speculate on why it ended, but said it was a shame as there were already limited services for grandparents who act as parents.
Grandparents who need support, can call 211 or their area Agency on Aging.