We won’t swallow being No. 2 among pizzas

This will not stand. How dare anyone rank Connecticut pizza at No. 2 in the United States? Making this even harder to digest is that some upstart magazine presuming to call itself Food & Wine ranks New Jersey’s pizza as one notch better.

Of course Connecticut has the best pizza in the nation. We already know that from the Daily Meal and other connoisseurs. And we know that ... because we eat pizza.

So-called Food and Wine doesn’t provide any reason New Jersey should outrank the state where pizza is so beloved the Legislature is considering declaring it the state food. Their argument is thinner than a Colony hot oil pie from Stamford (but not in a good way).

We didn’t see Vice President Kamala Harris’ entourage pick up 22 pies from New Jersey, as they did at Sally’s in New Haven with the logical reasoning “it’s world famous.” Then they grabbed another 11 pies from Zuppardi’s in West Haven. “Had I known it was them, you know I would have thrown in a fresh clam pizza,” Zuppardi’s owner said.

Jersey’s trademark food is the lowly pork roll. Travels deeper into the nation reveal menus offering misguided attempts at “New Haven-style pizza.” At least they’re trying. Once you’re out of Jersey, you don’t want to be reminded of it. But pizza is to Connecticut what the automobile is to Detroit.

There’s also the matter of atmosphere. In Connecticut, you can taste test some of the world’s finest ’za, then ponder the choices while wandering an art gallery at Yale. In Jersey ... you’re in Jersey.

Pizza is more than a food in Connecticut. It’s a sport, akin to European soccer. Everyone defends their personal preference. The options are each so good that Pepe’s, Zeneli’s and Sally’s can co-exist on Wooster Street.

It doesn’t stop there. Connecticut is about variety. A seafood pie at Massimo’s in Bridgeport. A Mashed Potato pie at Olde World in North Haven. Bear’s Smokehouse BBQ at Blind Pig in Hartford.

Modern’s Italian Bomb in New Haven.

Dave Portnoy has tasted more than 500 pizzas around the country for “One Bite,” his Barstool segment. “The pizza capital of the United States is New Haven, CT. Anybody who says otherwise is wrong.”

People drive from Manhattan to New Haven for the evening just for the privilege of waiting 90 minutes for a misshapen piece of crust with black burn marks. Has anyone every left the city for a pie in Trenton?

Sure, this might have been worse. Illinois might have been first. That thing made in Chicago is not even pizza. It’s just puffy bread in a pan with sauce poured on it. Connecticut scoffs at Feb. 9 as National Pizza Day because every day is Pizza Day here. Pizza has helped us endure the pandemic.

This outrage leaves a bad taste in our mouths. We never thought that was possible in Connecticut, the true pizza capital of America.

Jersey’s trademark food is the lowly pork roll. Travels deeper into the nation reveal menus offering misguided attempts at “New Haven-style pizza.” At least they’re trying. Once you’re out of Jersey, you don’t want to be reminded of it. But pizza is to Connecticut what the automobile is to Detroit.