Becoming a mom in a pandemic
Mothers-to-be had to make their own way amid isolation, uncertainty, shifting medical landscape
In a year scarred by a deadly disease, women across the country have continued to bring forth new life, taking on a new title: mom. While birth rates around the country have dropped for the sixth year in a row with a “baby bust” declared, some Connecticut women are becoming mothers for the first time, going through pregnancies and giving birth while the world screeched to a halt with the COVID-19 pandemic.
But these new moms have had a different experience.
Faced with uncertainty, isolation and an ever-changing medical landscape, pandemic moms have had to make their own way. They focused on the positives — special bonding time with their newborns — and reached out to create communities for themselves via Facetime, texts to friends and families, and prenatal groups, when other options weren’t available.
A June study from the Guttmacher Institute found that 40 percent of women in the U.S. changed their plans about when to have children or how many children to have during the pandemic, and one-third reported wanting to postpone having children or wanting to have fewer children.
Still, there were some who started or expanded their families during these past months of turmoil, including Katie Clunan of Newtown, who had daughter Layla last year on April 20, and Samantha Cook of Shelton, who had daughter Elle last year on March 7.
Clunan and Cook, two first-time moms raising newborns during the pandemic, weren’t scared by their experiences. Despite the unique ups and downs, both hope to have more children.
A slight decline in births and a great desire for midwives
Danbury Hospital’s Family Birth Center saw a 6 percent decrease in births in 2020 compared to 2019, according to Orleen DawesSlater, senior director of maternal child health at the hospital. Nationwide there was a four percent birthrate drop in 2020, the federal government reported Wednesday. The new data also marks the sixth year in a row the nation’s birthrate has fallen.
Dawes-Slater said the migration of New Yorkers — some relocating to Connecticut in their third trimester and delivering at Danbury Hospital — likely offset these numbers, too. The decline was possibly greater than 6 percent.
Last year, the center helped deliver 1,889 babies, when in 2019 that number was 2,018. In 2021, the center is seeing a slight increase compared to the first few months of 2020, but still fewer births than 2019. From January to April, they’ve had 610 births, compared to 599 last year and 627 in 2019.
However, Dawes-Slater said these numbers show “neither a significant decline nor the predicted pandemic baby boom.”
But amid declines in birth rates nationally, midwives and birthing centers have stayed busy. The Connecticut Childbirth & Women’s Center is seeing a patient boom, according to Cathy Parisi, certified nurse midwife and clinical director at the center.
“Our numbers are through the roof. This is going to be the busiest year we’ve ever had,” said Parisi, who has worked at the center since 1997.
With anxieties over hospitals and the virus, more women opted to give birth with a midwife in a homelike setting. Parisi said some just didn’t want to stay away from the safety of home for long.
“Women have just kind of wanted to come in, have their baby in a safe, caring environment, and then go home within four to eight hours,” she said. “We’re getting women from Manhattan, from New Jersey, from Massachusetts.”
They even have one client, due May 23, who just transferred over to their center.
Caring for mental health and a new baby
Childbirth and prenatal educators in the area noticed a lot more fear, anxiety and feelings of loneliness and isolation among new parents.
Specifically, women were fearful of giving birth without a partner or family by their side, said Lauren Cascone, who runs Strong as a Mother, which runs childbirth, breastfeeding and infant care educational classes in Newtown.
She gave birth to her third child — a daughter — at Danbury Hospital in October and said she worried she’d have to go it alone and was wary of being in a hospital with the circulating virus.
“There was so much fear, and there’s still a lot of fear,” Cascone said.
Clunan’s anxiety set in as she parted from her husband in the hospital parking lot to give birth to Layla, now a year old. She had watched the news incessantly, observing hospital capacity fill as she neared her due date.
With contractions just four minutes apart, she entered the hospital, not knowing when she’d see her husband again. Thankfully, he was allowed to attend the birth, but the unknown elements were stressful for the first-time mom.
Finding creative solutions to community
Pregnancy and birth are often communal events, filled with baby showers, classes, family visits, and new “mommy” friendships — things that are in short supply during the pandemic. These new moms had to find different ways to connect and find support.
Jessica Hill, founder of The Parent Collective, focused on community even before the pandemic. Her company provides prenatal and parenting classes in Fairfield County with the goal of cultivating a strong sense of community among parents.
From her own experiences, Hill knows having a group on the same journey can help in hard times.
When the pandemic hit, she moved all classes — mostly attended by firsttime parents — onto Zoom. Hill also started partnering with local medical practices to provide support to patients.
Despite being online, Hill’s classes try to foster that sense of community among soon-to-be parents through breakout rooms and group texts created by class facilitators.
“The people who are in our classes are just really hungry for that,” Hill said.
Cascone created a private Facebook group called Strong as a Mother Mamas so her clients could have a safe space to connect and ask questions.
Hill said demand for the classes has increased during the pandemic, and she has a broader audience, especially with her new partnerships. Slots are sold out five minutes after emails are sent to one provider’s patients, who get the classes for free.
“We joke that those classes are like concert tickets,” Hill said.
Cascone has also seen strong demand for her classes, which went virtual last spring, too.
Finding answers
In Cascone’s experience, giving birth just before the winter with decreased social interactions was hard and isolating, especially with the “baby blues”. Cascone had few places to bring her children to play and couldn’t rely as much on the normal social support systems after a birth.
For Clunan, it was difficult not to get “tunnel vision” at home when she was worried about her daughter. She relied on Cascone, whose classes she took, and her sisters and sisters-in-law for advice. She wanted to know if she was doing it right, what she should do next, whether her daughter was hitting the right milestones.
Cook and Clunan both said they also relied heavily on friends who were also first-time moms, texting and talking on FaceTime frequently.
“We still to this day say we couldn’t have done it without each other,” Clunan said.
Knowing they were all going through the same thing made Cook feel a lot less lonely.
“I think now, more than ever, when moms don’t really have access to library playgroups and opportunities for gatherings to meet other moms, it’s so important that we figure out creative ways of connecting,” Hill said.
Silver linings
But social isolation came with its benefits for some first-time moms.
Clunan will always remember her unusual birth experience as a very special time — she loves looking at the pictures of Layla’s birth. It was just the three of them — her husband, her baby, and herself — with no other visitors.
“It was really special just having that alone time,” she said. “Given the fact that everything turned out well for us, it’s such a special story that I can share with her forever.”
While it was hard not having family come visit and meet Layla, Clunan said she had more time to rest. Looking back, she said she wouldn’t change her experience.
Dawes-Slater saw this with patients at Danbury Hospital, too. She wrote in an email that for many patients the pandemic “extended baby-bonding time,” and that a slower pace with more time for family has been a “bright side” for some.
Cook thinks her daughter played a large role in helping her get through the darkest parts of the pandemic.
“She kept me going every day,” Cook said. “She was kind of like a light for all of us these past 12 months.”