Woman unsure if she wants children

Dear Annie: How does one know whether she wants children? For my whole life, I haven’t been sure, but I figured I’d know eventually. Now I’m in my late 20s and not any closer to making up my mind.

I’m afraid I’d regret it if I didn’t have kids, but I’ve never particularly wanted them, either. Don’t get me wrong; I am sure that if I did have them, I would love them more than anything — but that also scares me, because it would mean focusing less on my career. And honestly, when I try to imagine the future, my career is the first thing that comes to mind. I have plans to start my own business within the next five years. My work excites me and fulfills me. I also love my current lifestyle — taking spontaneous trips and trying new hobbies.

I’m not even in a serious relationship right now, so it’s not as though I’d be settling down and having children soon.

But if it’s something I want to do, I feel that I at least need to start moving my life toward that direction. I’m realizing how quickly time passes once you’re in the working world, and my 30s will be here before I know it. How does one know whether she wants to be a mom?

Undecided in Ohio Dear Undecided: You are a very wise and thoughtful woman. Children are a huge responsibility. They rely on you for their very existence. So putting your career ahead of them is not an option.

If you are truly undecided about having children right now, I would say wait and see. When that serious relationship comes along, you’ll see what your partner wants out of life. If you find a partner who is very nurturing and really wants kids, then he might take on the majority of responsibility so that you can continue to focus on your career. If you find a partner who feels the way you do, then the two of you might find a very fulfilling life in other ways.

The point is that you don’t have to have it all mapped out perfectly. Some of the most interesting people took their time in figuring out exactly what they wanted from life. Regardless of whether you have children, it sounds as if you will have a very fulfilling life.

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