Really, would it kill you to wave?

Then there is the debate about the kind of wave. Is it a full-on, happy-to-see-you wave? Is it a casual raise the fingers off the bar?

My friend Megan and I used to ride our bikes together very often, and I would guess that we have put in at least 10,000 miles on the roads of Connecticut, New York, and Massachusetts. We have not had the chance to ride together for a while though, as life has a way of interfering with cycling, so I was happy to ride with her again this past weekend.

We spent a lot of time catching up and talking about past rides (“Hey — remember the time I crashed here?”). It was a beautiful day made even better by the fact that it was a perfect sunny May day in contrast to the rain and overcast we had been having. There were a lot of other riders out on the roads, and we waved when we passed them going the other way.

And here is where we hit the ugliest schism in the cycling world: to wave or not to wave. The wave camp comes down on the side of two-wheeled solidarity and kinship while the anti-wave crowd says that the workout is too important to interrupt with such frivolous concerns as waving. Then there is the debate about the kind of wave. Is it a full-on, happy-to-see-you wave? Is it a casual raise the fingers off the bar? Megan is an extrovert, and usually adds a cheery “Good morning!” with her wave. I don’t say much unless I see dogs, and then I tell them that they are all very good.

We ran across many anti-wavers on our ride, and we tutted and shook our heads. Many years ago, we were on a ride and saw Floyd Landis, the disgraced pro cyclist, going the other direction. We waved and he gave us the casual finger raise plus a nod. If Floyd can wave at the height of his doping scandal, so can some weekend warrior from Westport.

Now we come to the point of my article where I see this lack of civility as a symptom of the decline of western civilization and probably the fault of the internet or video games or birth control. In truth, though, civilization has always been remarkably short on the “civil” part of the word, and the only real difference today is that complaining about incivility has been democratized. If you were a serf, you couldn’t complain about a lack of civility, while kings could take offense at any tiny breach in protocol. So, in a sense, complaining about antiwavers is a positive step toward freedom.

The flip side of this freedom is an equal democratization of boorish behavior. As anyone who works facing the public knows, the anti-wavers are legion, and they definitely want you to know that they are extremely important and that they pay your salary. This is almost always a power move of some sort, and the most belligerent jerk will become a bootlicking sycophant as soon as someone with more power walks in.

My dad was an Army officer who served two tours of duty in Vietnam. He told me many times (“Yes, Dad, I know…”) that the most important lesson he learned as a leader is that character shows in how you treat people under you. It’s easy to scream at someone lower in rank when they have no way to retaliate, so my dad always insisted that I should treat these people with kindness and respect. On the other hand, when someone with power treats you badly, you stand up. Always punch up and never punch down.

It’s a good lesson, and one many in the public eye have yet to learn. In the meantime, if I see you on the road, I’ll wave.