Write your own ‘We’re leav­ing Con­necti­cut for­ever’ opin­ion piece

The News-Times - - OPINION - By Su­san Bigelow Su­san Bigelow is an award­win­ning colum­nist and the founder of CTLo­calPol­i­tics. Her com­men­tary first ap­peared in ct­newsjunkie.com.

It’s ap­par­ently the time of year again when welloff white con­ser­va­tives sell their ex­pen­sive homes and feel com­pelled to write edi­to­ri­als about why they are, re­gret­fully, tak­ing the piles and piles of money they earned here and leav­ing the state.

If you’ve ever felt like flounc­ing loudly out of Con­necti­cut like a teenage girl from a Live­jour­nal group, but weren’t sure how to write the nec­es­sary opin­ion piece, I have great news. Pre­sent­ing: The “Write Your Own ‘I’m Leav­ing And Never Com­ing Back, So There’ Tem­plate®!”

Just choose the op­tions that suit you best, sub­mit to the news­pa­per of your choice, and sit back to await the J.R. Ro­mano fundrais­ing email that links to your piece. Easy as pie! Ready to get started? Here we go:

Dear Ed­i­tors,

As the leaves turn, it is with great (sad­ness | re­gret

| smug­ness) that my wife (Mavis | Pat­tie | Kathy­Ann) and I pack up our house in (Darien | Simsbury | Glas­ton­bury) and de­part for (Florida | North Carolina | Ferengi space).

We did not wish to leave. We (grew up | mi­grated from Westch­ester to | got lost and found our­selves) in Con­necti­cut, raised our (chil­dren | dogs | For­tune

500 com­pany) here, and planned to spend our golden years in the state.

But Con­necti­cut has changed.

I (shake my head in woe | sigh the sigh of the weary | let forth an un­earthly howl) as I write these sad words. The Con­necti­cut I once knew, a state where (teach­ers were hi­lar­i­ously un­der­paid | the poor knew their place | Re­pub­li­cans got elected) is no more. No longer can a young man (in­herit lots of money and just sit around | work at his fa­ther’s com­pany in Man­hat­tan | fleece peo­ple for a liv­ing) with­out the ever­in­tru­sive state steal­ing his hard­earned dol­lars.

In the past, the busi­ness cli­mate in this state was akin to (the Gilded Age | John Galt on steroids | Oliver Twist), a fact I am sure of be­cause (I dimly re­mem­ber it through a wine­ad­dled haze | the an­gry ra­dio man told me | the past is al­ways bet­ter than now). But now, thanks to (Demo­crat over­spend­ing | taxes | a com­plex com­bi­na­tion of na­tional and global trends that work against us no mat­ter what our gov­ern­ment does), our busi­ness cli­mate is (stag­nant | dead and bloated | blown to tiny, pun­gent bits).

Our cities, which used to be full of (depart­ment stores | hockey teams | white peo­ple), are now shells of what they once were. Com­pa­nies are flee­ing to low­tax states like (New York | Mas­sachusetts | Cal­i­for­nia), tak­ing their jobs and, more im­por­tantly, their CEOs with them.

This sad state of af­fairs can be laid di­rectly at the feet of (pub­lic em­ployee unions | lib­eral wee­nies | Bol­she­viks) and Gov­er­nor (Mal­loy | La­mont | who­ever was in charge be­fore that, I don’t re­mem­ber). Decades of failed poli­cies, in­clud­ing (taxes I don’t like | giv­ing state em­ploy­ees pen­sions only peo­ple like me should be en­ti­tled to | that pot­hole out­side the Big Y) have bro­ken this once proud state, re­duc­ing us to a laugh­ing­stock.

We have had chances to change our course, and we have not taken them. We could have elected solidly mid­dle­class peo­ple who are in touch with the con­cerns of the work­ing man, like (Bob Ste­fanowski

| Tom Fo­ley | Linda McMahon) to high of­fice, but we did not do so. It is a mys­tery to me why the tax­bur­dened peo­ple of our cities do not vote Repub­li­can, and my fel­low Re­pub­li­cans and I can only as­sume it’s be­cause they are too (lazy | high | brown).

And now the state is propos­ing to do some­thing much worse: put tolls on the high­ways. Oh, cru­elty! I (weep | clutch my wal­let to my chest | check my stocks) just think­ing about it. Is there noth­ing this state won’t do? Is it any won­der peo­ple are flee­ing Con­necti­cut for states with­out tolls, like (Penn­syl­va­nia | In­di­ana | Florida)?

And so I take my leave, and I am en­cour­ag­ing all like­minded peo­ple to do the same. I have not yet lived in the place I am mov­ing to, but I am cer­tain life there will be (as free as the ea­gles wheel­ing in the sky | a fairy story where I shall dance with the elves | def­i­nitely not in­con­ve­nient in some way I haven’t an­tic­i­pated). This cursed state will not learn its les­son un­til (we take our toys and go home | enough edi­to­ri­als like this are pub­lished | the state is burned to the ground and we re­joice upon the ashes).

The only thing I will miss will be (com­plain­ing about Con­necti­cut | lec­tur­ing peo­ple about Con­necti­cut | ob­sess­ing about Con­necti­cut). But that is no small price to pay … for free­dom.

So long, (fel­low cit­i­zens | Con­necti­cut­ers | suck­ers)!

The Con­necti­cut I once knew, a state where (teach­ers were hi­lar­i­ously un­der­paid | the poor knew their place | Re­pub­li­cans got elected) is no more.

Hearst Con­necti­cut Me­dia file photo

The Con­necti­cut State Capi­tol build­ing in Hart­ford.

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