Insight helps couple’s communication

Dear Annie: I rarely felt heard by my outgoing husband, who talked for hours with others.

Several years ago, we attended a business seminar on communication between the sexes. The biggest insight we gained from it is that men and women listen very differently. If a man has his mind on something, he will not “hear” someone else’s comments. So you have to get his attention before you say something. A woman’s brain is able to follow several conversations while working on a project at the same time. It is the way our brains differ. There are scientific studies on this.

My husband and I became much better at communicating with each other after this seminar.

Finally Heard

Dear Finally Heard: Congrats to you and your husband for taking a step in the healthy direction to improve your listening skills.

Dear Annie: As someone who wears hearing aids, I think “Are You Listening’s” husband’s hearing loss is more of a factor than she realizes. She may have a soft or higher-pitched voice that is much harder for most of us with hearing loss to hear clearly. So her husband may be able to hear and understand his friends much better than he can hear and understand her. Her story about her husband not hearing her in the car also makes his hearing loss a likely culprit. A car is one of the most difficult hearing environments for those of us with hearing loss. Unfortunately, even my high-tech Bluetooth hearing aids don’t always make it possible for me to hear clearly in noisy environments. Hearing aids are not like glasses. They help, but they don’t restore normal hearing.

I’m afraid it’s also very common for those of us with hearing loss to bluff when we don’t hear people and try to guess what they said. It works better with casual conversations than with a spouse, who’s around so much they catch on!

“Are You Listening” should make sure her husband wears his hearing aids all the time. They don’t work as well if you wear them infrequently. Your brain has to learn how to interpret the sounds. Her husband may not have had his hearing aids adjusted recently, or he may need new ones. There are also other hearing assistive technologies, such as a Bluetooth remote microphone, which is very helpful in noisy environments such as the car or a restaurant.

Hearing loss is often mistaken for other problems, including dementia. Please start with a hearing test. Make sure that the hearing aids are properly programmed and the husband knows how to use them. He may need some rehab to help his brain adapt to hearing aids if he hasn’t been wearing them very often.

Concerned With Hearing Loss

Dear Concerned With Hearing Loss: Thank you for all the tips on how hearing aids can improve people’s lives.