Clinton and Patterson are back in action — and still ridiculous

Over the past three years, Bill Clinton and James Patterson have developed a bankable formula: In their previous thriller, a U.S. president went missing. In their new thriller, a president’s daughter goes missing.

If this keeps up, someday we’ll have to read a thriller about the president’s lost cat, his missing keys, an errant sock. And why not? “The President Is Missing” was the bestselling novel of 2018, demonstrating that, as in politics, nothing sells like name recognition. Tellingly, “The President’s Daughter” opens with a shout-out to Washington superagent Robert Barnett, who convinced these two American brands they could cash in yet again. It’s the economy, stupid.

Readers expecting a sequel, though, will discover that this new novel offers an entirely different cast of characters. “The President Is Missing” gave us President Jonathan Lincoln Duncan, a former Gulf War hero who battles a dastardly terrorist. But “The President’s Daughter” gives us President Matthew Keating, a former Navy SEAL hero who battles a dastardly terrorist. It’s a change as startling as the shift from tan to beige.

With this brave and monogamous hero, Clinton has once again revealed such a naked fantasy version of himself that you almost feel embarrassed for the man. And that’s pretty much where the revelations peter out. The publishers claim that Clinton has contributed information that could be provided only by a former president - or, I would add, by somebody who’s watched an episode of “Homeland.” Readers will discover such topsecret intel as this: “Since FDR agreed back in 1945 to provide military assistance to Saudi Arabia, that rich and troubling place has been one of our biggest interests in the Middle East.” Shhhhhh.

The cynical cliches about Washington bureaucracy laced through “The President’s Daughter” weren’t even fresh in the previous century when Clinton was lying to the American people about “that woman.” And after four years of President Donald Trump’s fascistic assaults on journalists, the novel’s smears against the free press suggest that Clinton still isn’t willing to put the country before his own stale grudges. But it would be unfair to say that there’s no suspense in “The President’s Daughter.” Again and again, I was on the edge of my seat, wondering, “Can this story get any sillier?” In that respect, this is a novel that continually defies expectations - all presented in chapters so short you could read one during a yawn. At the opening, President Keating sits in the White House situation room watching a high-stakes military operation 5,000 miles away. SEAL Team Six has just landed in Libya to track down and kill Asim Al-Asheed, the world’s most vicious killer. Two earlier missions failed to capture this fiend who once burned a caged family alive and nailed a U.S. soldier to a tree, but now the intelligence is rock solid. The SEALs creep silently across the desert. They spot Al-Asheed’s house through their night-vision goggles. They raise their MK 13 Remington bolt-action rifles and slip into the building. Back in Washington, the generals lean toward the video screen squinting at the ghostly images about to fire . ...