Partners ponder angles on infidelity
Dear Readers: I’ve stepped away from the Ask Amy column for two weeks to work on a new writing project. I hope you enjoy these edited “best of” columns in my absence. All of these questions and answers were first published 10 years ago.
Dear Amy: Several years ago, I had a one-night stand with a married woman. I later learned that she had a child. DNA testing proved the child is mine.
I feel horrible knowing that there is a daughter out there who is mine, but loves another man who is not her biological father. I’ve turned into a hermit, and am unhappy. The mother has decided she wants to clear the air now, six years later. She has lived a lie all this time, and I’m messed up knowing I have a child I may never know. Where do we go from here? Desperate
Dear Desperate: Where you go from here is straight to the truth. You will feel better when you are no longer living a lie.
You would benefit greatly from seeing a counselor who could offer emotional support and professional advice. Your child is still young. It is not too late to establish a relationship with her. You also have legal and financial issues to consider. You need to tell the truth for your daughter’s sake — and for your own. (May, 2009)
Dear Amy: My husband has a female friend that he just can’t seem to part ways with. They talk on the phone and send text messages. The other day he dropped off a bottle of wine at her house. What should I do?
He says if I keep the house clean, he will stop seeing her.
Upset Wife
Dear Upset: His offer of a deal means that he knows what he is doing is wrong, and he is using this as leverage. Carmela Soprano would have told her husband, Tony: “I’ll give YOU a deal — you can stop texting her and you clean the house.” After you explain to your husband that his behavior is disrespectful and is interfering with your marriage, get busy. Find ways to boost your self-esteem through healthy pursuits. Prepare to have a calm conversation with your husband that starts with the phrase, “Well, now that you’ve gotten my attention, let’s talk about our marriage.” (Sept., 2009)
Ask Amy, P.O. Box 194, Freeville, NY 13068. e-mail: askamy@tribune.com