Mom sulks as sister, daughter party

Dear Amy: I am 61 years old. My sister is 51.

My daughter is turning 40 this year and we are invited to a party for her. Although I’m young for my age, I recognize my role as an older Mom.

As much as I’d like to be there for the whole party, I’ve been told it’s inappropriate to hang with my daughter’s peers, so I plan to attend for a while then depart to allow the younger crowd to drink/ dance.

That said, I’m feeling “left out” because my younger sister is seeing herself as my daughter’s “peer” rather than her older aunt. She plans to remain at the party after I leave.

I know she’s squeezed in the middle due to her age.

What are your thoughts about age differences and behaviors?

My sister, who used to be my peer, is now shifting to being my daughter’s peer. She even attended my daughter’s bachelorette party while I sat it out as not appropriate for me.

She assumes she’s included with the younger set.

Am I being unreasonable with my feelings of jealousy over my sister’s “not yet old” status? In the Age Squeeze

Dear In The Age: Unless my math is off, you had your daughter when you were 21 years old. Younger mothers sometimes grow up alongside their children and thus become more peer-like with their kids than older mothers.

You seem to have gone in the opposite direction. If you are deliberately limiting yourself from attending and/or enjoying landmark events in your daughter’s life because you think it’s “inappropriate,” then that’s on you. You should attend whatever events to which you are invited. You should stay as long as you want to stay — without imposing on the host.

I can well imagine you not being interested in hanging out with your daughter’s friends after the drinking and dancing start. But if your sister wants to, then that’s her right. If she is making a fool of herself, then that’s on her.

Your sister was 11 years old when her niece was born. The numbers alone make them more peer-like. Your attitude regarding your own role seems to make things worse for you. I hope you will change your perspective. “Acting your age” is behaving in a mature fashion, not necessarily counting yourself out altogether.