Dna results reveal secret half-sibling

Dear Amy: My wife (who is 64) recently discovered a new cousin, “Meg,” (also in her 60s) through DNA testing.

Meg lives in a different part of the country and although they have not met in person, they communicate via social media and email, and have since become close friends.

My wife’s uncle, at the time of his affair with Meg’s mom, was married with four young kids. He recently passed away.

My wife’s aunt is in her late 80s and suffers from dementia. She is in very poor health.

Her aunt has no idea that her late husband fathered a child 60 years ago while they were married.

My wife is close to her four cousins, who are not aware that they have a half-sister.

I believe that my wife should let them know about Meg. If it was me, I would want to know if my father had sired another child and that I have a half-sibling out there. My wife feels just the opposite, and will not tell them. Who is right?

Curious About Cousins

Dear Curious: I believe you’re right.

However, while we have the right to our opinions, that’s about all we have.

We are in fairly uncharted territory. But the truth is the truth, and people deserve to know the truth about themselves.

I have long advocated against holding onto “family secrets,” mainly because people who keep secrets are basically deciding for themselves who is deserving of the truth. I realize that people keeping secrets are often well-meaning. But I also believe that most people can handle the truth, even if it is surprising, shocking or painful. (For instance, you and your wife don’t really know whether her aunt knew about her uncle’s infidelity. The aunt may have kept it secret.)

In this case, your wife has met a person, “Meg,” who is so wonderful that they have become close friends. And yet your wife is denying her cousins the opportunity to also know her.

Your wife may be waiting for her aunt to die before disclosing this news to her cousins. The same DNA testing and social media that brought her and Meg together can also eventually lead Meg to her half-siblings. Your wife should consider how her cousins will feel when they learn that she has had a secret relationship with their own sister.