Couple’s offer was invitation to leave

Dear Amy: This Christmas, my husband’s parents and their baby daughter came to stay with us.

The plan was that they would stay with us for three days and leave on Friday morning, as my husband and I both had to return to work on Monday.

On Christmas night they asked if I wouldn’t mind babysitting their infant on Saturday, so they could make some personal visits in town.

This plan would have extended their stay for two more days and nights.

I looked at my husband and (on my behalf ) he offered to put them up in a hotel for those nights.

Instead of agreeing to this, they left Thursday night instead of Friday morning, and his mother left behind the perfume I had given her as a gift.

The truth is that I wasn’t in the mood to host them in the first place.

I get the side-eye when I tell this story. Was I wrong?

Side-eyed

Dear Side-Eyed: This request was a major one on your in-laws’ part. Even though it seems that you and your husband did agree to babysit, you could have handled it differently by offering a truthful and respectful response: “Oh, I’m sorry, but we have to pivot toward our work week, and won’t be able to do that. I wish you had asked earlier; we might have been able to work something out.”

Or you could have declined to sit on Saturday but offered to sit on Friday until noon, so they could see some friends and then leave in the afternoon.

You present the offer of a hotel as a kindness of sorts, but it really was a tacit invitation for your in-laws to leave, and they took the hint.

You have definitely established yourself as someone who is not to be trifled with. If that was your goal, you have achieved it.

Dear Amy: “K in Colorado” was upset because, at the age of 68, some people assume he is his young son’s grandfather.

Thank you for pointing out that many grandparents are raising young children.

My husband and I are in that group.

We are tired, lonely, and we feel invisible.

Gram

Dear Gram: I see you.

You are heroes to your family.