Wife turns to old beau for attention
Dear Abby: I have been married to my husband, “Jim,” for three years, but we have been together for seven. It hasn’t been an easy road for us. I love him, but he doesn’t give me the attention or time that I want.
We have two kids we’re raising from previous relationships. I didn’t intentionally set out to hurt him, but three years ago, I reconnected with someone from my past I’ll call “Mac.” Mac and I have been off and on since reconnecting. Now I find myself not wanting to hurt either of them, but I’m in love with both of them.
I have thought about leaving Jim several times, but I can’t bring myself to do it. I feel like I’m living a double life. All I want is to be happy and not hurt others in the process.
Thoroughly Confused In The East
Dear Thoroughly Confused: This is not just a “choice” you are making between two men. There are children involved, and where will a divorce leave them?
If your problem is Jim’s lack of attention, don’t you think you should tell him that? He won’t enjoy hearing it, but it may give him a chance to rectify the situation. After that, if he decides he is through with you, your problem will be solved and you can enjoy your big Mac.
Dear Abby: I have a 5-yearold daughter, “Kim,” whose father is not in the picture. If that’s not tough enough, I don’t know his whereabouts. I haven’t heard from him in a year because he has had past trouble with the law. He obviously isn’t interested in being involved in her life, and I’ve accepted that.
My teenage son is close with Kim’s father’s nephews, as they have been friends since he and I dated. I have been debating whether to reach out to my ex’s sisters to address their lack of involvement in Kim’s life.
The main reason I want to contact them is so she can get to know them or, if they choose not to, I can at least explain to her (when she’s older) that I tried. Do you think it’s worth it to reach out? Or should their absence confirm their lack of interest?
Uncomfortable Situation
Dear Uncomfortable: Because you feel it’s important for Kim to know that you “at least tried” reaching out to her father’s side of the family, give them a call. However, it seems to me their absence is already sending a strong message that they prefer to keep their distance.