Wife second-place in her marriage

Dear Abby: I have been married for five years. My husband and I are both past middle age and have been married before. For much of our early marriage, my husband was ill. I never complained, yet the smallest ache or pain I have is, apparently, a “pain” for him. My husband is sweet and charming to everyone, but often ignores or becomes very angry with me.

He has called me things he promised never to say. He makes excuses for not wanting to do things together. He spends upwards of 12 hours a day outside and seems to want to avoid me. He defends his friends when they say disrespectful things about me, citing the fact that he “doesn’t want to lose old friends.” We have seen a marriage counselor and it has not helped us. Help me understand, please.

Undervalued in Nebraska

Dear Undervalued: From your description, your husband is selfish, self-centered, lacks the ability to empathize or nurture and would rather allow his “friends” to disrespect the woman he married than confront them.

My question for you is: How long are you willing to tolerate being treated this way? You deserve better than what you have been getting, and I hope you go for it. Dear Abby: My youngest son and his wife invited me to come live with them in

Colorado. I am 68 and retired, and was struggling to survive and maintain my home in Washington. It made sense to sell it and move into their spacious house with them.

My son was laid off and has been seeking employment. He received an offer from a company in Pennsylvania. I’m about to receive a large amount of cash from the sale of my home, more money than I’ve ever had. My son asked me to lend him all of it for a down payment on a house in Pennsylvania. He says he will pay it back once his house in Colorado sells.

My alarm bells are ringing, and I honestly don’t know how to respond. Am I being silly? He has never given me reason to doubt him.

Big Changes Happening

Dear Changes: Discuss this matter with an attorney right now! IF you decide to give a portion of the money you receive from the sale of your home in Washington for a down payment on your son’s home in Pennsylvania, you should have plenty left over for yourself. But whatever agreement you make should be in a legal document in writing. It is not “silly” to want to protect yourself.