Marriage becomes only convenience
Dear Abby: Although my husband and I are no longer in a romantic relationship, we are what I call “life partners.” After cancer left him impotent, he rejected any physical affection. I had an affair which lasted four years. My boyfriend passed last year. I have no desire to be involved with my husband, but I do miss being affectionate and in a romantic relationship.
I feel empty, and I’m not sure if we should be considering divorce. We no longer share the same bedroom and we touch each other rarely. He has recently become more verbally and emotionally abusive during arguments, which may be the result of his recently reconnecting with his felon brother who had assaulted his wife. I’m not sure what direction to go.
Hopeless in Pennsylvania
Dear Hopeless: The relationship you have described with your husband is not a “marriage” in the traditional sense. Ask your husband, in as nonconfrontational a way as possible, if he would like to remain married or be divorced. I cannot imagine why you would want to stay in a relationship that is becoming increasingly abusive. Consult a divorce lawyer and take your guidance from them about how to protect your interests BEFORE speaking to your husband, to ensure he doesn’t try to hide assets.
Dear Abby: I took a job and relocated to another state. My wife chose to stay behind so our kids could finish school. For 20 months, we have gone back and forth from the state I work in to our hometown. I suspect she’s unhappy with the idea of relocating, even though it’s a place worth investing in. Much of my time is spent appeasing her, especially when there is conflict between our teen kids. We have been looking at schools in my new city, but there is never any resolution to our relocation issue. Advice?
Long-Distance Husband/Dad
Dear Long-Distance: I wish you had mentioned whether your wife works outside the home. If the answer is no, continue looking for schools in the new community. Then contact a real estate agent to help you find a suitable place. Once you have narrowed it down to a few, invite your wife to look at them with you and choose what she thinks would be most suitable.
At that point, if she doesn’t want to make the move, she should say, which will free you to decide whether to sacrifice your future, continue a long-distance marriage or return to the town you left.