In praise of acquaintances
I moved around a lot as a kid. I went to 13 different schools, and the one question guaranteed to cause a panic attack was the one asking where I was from. I always wanted to answer, “You mean originally? Or most recently?”
As a result I learned a lot of things, like how to function with social anxiety. The other outcome was a lack of deep, lasting friendships. It is hard, after all, to become best friends forever when there is the lurking fear that you will soon move away again. I got good at making acquaintances, though.
Today I have a few close friendships I have cultivated over the past few years, but most people from school are, at best, names I see sometimes on social media. I don’t think that is a bad thing, though, and not just because sites such as Facebook and Twitter have diluted the meaning of “friend” so that it now denotes “someone I see online.” My purpose today is to praise the acquaintance, the casual relationship that is friendly without being demanding. Acquaintances even more than friendships create our community.
My list of acquaintances is large and strangely comforting. When I shop at Caraluzzi’s, I am usually checked out by three or four different cashiers, and we have that quick friendliness that doesn’t amount to much, but is nevertheless quietly meaningful. One has a son a year older than mine, so we commiserate about how quickly the boys are growing up. Fourth grade already? How is that possible? Another has made a point to remember my name. All of them know I am saving my rewards cash until I hit a suitably high number. When I have saved up to 50 dollars, we all laugh and pretend to be impressed.
Then there are the dog walkers. I’m not alone in knowing the names and personality quirks of the dogs without ever having caught the names of the dogs’ caretakers. I know that Rico is learning to walk on the leash and tries really hard not to be distracted by my dog. He often succeeds. There are three Labradors, one of each color, and I can never keep their names straight. One of them loves my dog, but the others don’t so we usually say a quick hello before continuing on our way.
In some cases, I have learned the names of the humans attached to the dogs, and this is generally because our dogs get along and we have had a chance to chat while the dogs sniff and woof at each other. One couple actually live down the street from me, and their dog loves ear scratches. This annoys my jealous dog, and she tries to get in the way of the ear scratches and growls when she can’t.
One of my recent acquaintances has recently become more regular. Our dogs get along well, so we have met several times to let them tire each other out; it also gives us the chance to have conversations that meander as much as the trails we follow through the park.
On today’s walk, in a perfect coincidence, we started talking about the idea of meeting people and how we form friendships in an often alienating world. A lot of what we do — our hobbies, avocations, and obsessions — often comes back to the need for community and connections. We spend so much of our lives in cars, offices, or other separated fortresses that true friendships have trouble penetrating. When this happens, the best solution may be to look for solace in acquaintances.